Are Red's Nonbasic Lands the Worst? A Scientific Analysis - Part 2

Are Red's Nonbasic Lands the Worst? A Scientific Analysis

<a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Mistcaller" href="#" target="_blank">Mistcaller</a> | Art by <a href="http://ryanyee.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Ryan Yee</a>
<h2>Electric Company and Water Works</h2>
I'm Michael Celani, and lately, I've been thinking about utility lands — cards like <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Bojuka Bog" href="#" target="_blank">Bojuka Bog</a> and <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="War Room" href="#" target="_blank">War Room</a>, which suck if you don't need 'em, but are a godsend when you do.
On an unrelated note, I've also been thinking about silver bullets — cards like <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Kaya&#039;s Guile" href="#" target="_blank">Kaya&#039;s Guile</a>, which suck if you don't need 'em, but are a godsend when you do.
That's when I realized that there are way too many unplayable silver bullet cards languishing in people's bulk bins. Why not lower the utility cost of adding those effects to decks by re-imagining them as overpriced activated abilities on a land that enters tapped?
<a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Brand" href="#" target="_blank">Brand</a> might be terminally awful, but <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Homeward Path" href="#" target="_blank">Homeward Path</a> is something everyone wishes they included when they run into that theft deck at game night.
Here are some effects I want to see landified, and although this article is entirely speculative, you might find the perfect solution to a deck that's been bugging you in these cards.
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Pull from Eternity" href="#" target="_blank">Pull from Eternity</a></h2>
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Exile is bizarre. Unlike every other zone in the game, which has an unambiguous, delineated purpose, exile is defined less by what it is and more by what it isn't. Exile isn't your library, your battlefield, your hand, or your graveyard... so what is it, actually?
Well, you have to read your cards. Some treat exile as a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Swords to Plowshares" href="#" target="_blank">removed-from-the-game forever zone</a>. Others use it like a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Wrenn&#039;s Resolve" href="#" target="_blank">second, temporary hand</a>. Others still repurpose it as <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Ancestral Vision" href="#" target="_blank">a purgatory your cards must endure</a> before they really do something cool.
That amorphous nature of exile endears me to <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Pull from Eternity" href="#" target="_blank">Pull from Eternity</a>. It has so many hidden uses, and I love it! Wanna shut down someone's <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Yorion, Sky Nomad" href="#" target="_blank">Yorion, Sky Nomad</a> combo? Did a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Wrenn&#039;s Resolve" href="#" target="_blank">Wrenn&#039;s Resolve</a> reveal something you don't like? How about reusing an <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Angel of Indemnity" href="#" target="_blank">encore</a>? <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Pull from Eternity" href="#" target="_blank">Pull from Eternity</a> can handle all three!
Now, I'm not a monster. I do understand how risky it would be to print this effect on anything remotely reusable; realistically, you'd have to limit the land's targets to cards your opponents own to prevent shenanigans. Still, I'd gladly pay and tap to shut down someone's <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Jhoira of the Ghitu" href="#" target="_blank">Jhoira</a>-suspended <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Blightsteel Colossus" href="#" target="_blank">Blightsteel Colossus</a>.
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Aquus Steed" href="#" target="_blank">Aquus Steed</a></h2>
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We've got access to cards like <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Maze of Ith" href="#" target="_blank">Maze of Ith</a> and <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Labyrinth of Skophos" href="#" target="_blank">Labyrinth of Skophos</a> to remove creatures from combat, but messing with attack powers is a bit deeper. Sure, lowering a creature's power doesn't shut down enemy combat to the same extent, but it can affect how your opponents attack or even block.
I know we technically already have this in <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Beyeen Veil" href="#" target="_blank">Beyeen Veil</a>, but it's such a weak effect that I'd rather see it be a repeatable activated ability.
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Mistcaller" href="#" target="_blank">Mistcaller</a></h2>
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Although the canonical way to deal with graveyard strategies is to exile that player's graveyard before they do anything funky, <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Mistcaller" href="#" target="_blank">Mistcaller</a> would be an intriguing twist.
Unlike <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Bojuka Bog" href="#" target="_blank">Bojuka Bog</a>, which exiles a graveyard once when it enters and then spends the rest of the game as a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Swamp" href="#" target="_blank">Swamp</a>, a theoretical <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Mistcaller" href="#" target="_blank">Mistcaller</a>-land would require much better timing (assuming that you would have to tap and sacrifice it as a cost).
Each turn, you would have to make a real decision about whether or not you want to hold off the Reanimator player for a bit longer or tap out to advance your own game plan. Failing to pick correctly in either direction can have consequences, and that makes for engaging play.
The other fascinating thing about <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Mistcaller" href="#" target="_blank">Mistcaller</a> is that it stymies more than just reanimation. It bans any and all fraud, including tutoring creatures directly onto the field and blinking them for value. It's not uncommon for giant threats to end up cheated onto the field several times a game, and deciding whether or not the current threat is worth your land is a great test of skill.
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Organ Grinder" href="#" target="_blank">Organ Grinder</a></h2>
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For a color that basically lives in the graveyard the way I did during my moody teenage emo phase, black's lands don't really care to use the cards in them as fuel for interesting effects. Only (the extremely recently-printed) <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Great Arashin City" href="#" target="_blank">Great Arashin City</a> cares to, and that's basically just a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Moorland Haunt" href="#" target="_blank">reskinned Azorius card</a>, of all things.
I say let black do more with the cards in its graveyard than simply moving them to the battlefield! They don't have to be groundbreaking effects, but exiling three cards to get a little reach on an opponent might make the difference between a victory and a loss.
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Break Open" href="#" target="_blank">Break Open</a></h2>
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This narrow sorcery comes to us highly ranked, albeit only on lists of comically-usless Magic cards. With how much support face-down creatures have gotten in the past few years, though, it's time to give <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Break Open" href="#" target="_blank">Break Open</a> new life as a modal double-faced card.
Play out your land or cheat the cost of turning your manifested <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Valgavoth, Terror Eater" href="#" target="_blank">Valgavoth, Terror Eater</a> right-side up, the choice is yours!
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Bloodscent" href="#" target="_blank">Bloodscent</a></h2>
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If <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Rogue&#039;s Passage" href="#" target="_blank">Rogue&#039;s Passage</a> represents an overcosted way to sneak a creature through a crowded board state, then why not flip the script and make everyone fight?
<a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Lure" href="#" target="_blank">Lures</a>, like <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Fog" href="#" target="_blank">fogs</a>, are criminally underplayed in Commander; use one effectively, and you can snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. After all, it forces your opponent to send their <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Beast Whisperer" href="#" target="_blank">precious, yet frail value engines</a> to certain death in combat all whilst the rest of your crew has free reign to smack them down unperturbed by blockers.
It gets especially nutty if you can reuse the <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Lure" href="#" target="_blank">Lure</a> at instant speed; I have shut down entire games with <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Tempting Licid" href="#" target="_blank">Tempting Licid</a>.
I know I contrasted this idea with <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Rogue&#039;s Passage" href="#" target="_blank">Rogue&#039;s Passage</a>, but unlike making a single creature unblockable, putting a repeatable <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Lure" href="#" target="_blank">Lure</a> on a permanent type that nobody really interacts with might present a problem. That's why I think <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Bloodscent" href="#" target="_blank">Bloodscent</a> would work best as a modal double-faced card with its land on the back.
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Rishadan Pawnshop" href="#" target="_blank">Rishadan Pawnshop</a></h2>
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I love sacrifice outlets on lands, and although <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="High Market" href="#" target="_blank">High Market</a> isn't great at its job of killing your own stuff, it's better than nothing. Decks that aren't aristocratic generally use cards like this to protect their important permanents from exile, because you're much likelier to get something back from the graveyard than the endless expanse of liminal space that <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Swords to Plowshares" href="#" target="_blank">Swords to Plowshares</a> ensnares its victims in.
It's just that most sac outlets on lands deal specifically with creatures, so if someone points a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Devout Chaplain" href="#" target="_blank">Devout Chaplain</a> at your <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Omniscience" href="#" target="_blank">Omniscience</a>, you're out of luck. A <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Rishadan Pawnshop" href="#" target="_blank">Rishadan Pawnshop</a> on a land would work as a solid middle ground; you can save whatever you want, but it's going back into your deck, and you have to keep your land up to do it.
There's also a neat interaction with <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Act of Treason" href="#" target="_blank">Act of Treason</a> effects, since unlike a sac outlet, it won't put the card back in an enemy's graveyard.
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Scuttlemutt" href="#" target="_blank">Scuttlemutt</a></h2>
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Color hate has been a part of Magic since the very beginning, and even now, it sees some niche representation in spells like <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Fry" href="#" target="_blank">Fry</a>.
The problem is that that representation is a little too niche. Removal is already so efficient that the primary upside of cards like <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Celestial Purge" href="#" target="_blank">Celestial Purge</a>, their cheap cost, isn't even noteworthy. The only real benefit remaining is the ability to break the color pie, and the only spell to come close to widespread use because of it is <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Red Elemental Blast" href="#" target="_blank">Red Elemental Blast</a>.
So why not turn <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Scuttlemutt" href="#" target="_blank">Scuttlemutt</a> into a land? It's not so unprecedented; after all, <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Unstable Frontier" href="#" target="_blank">Unstable Frontier</a> can temporarily transform a land of yours into a basic of any type, so modifying a permanent or spell's color isn't a bridge too far.
(By the way; if you think <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Unstable Frontier" href="#" target="_blank">Unstable Frontier</a> is useless in itself, think of it as a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Painted Bluffs" href="#" target="_blank">Painted Bluffs</a> that can also turn off your <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth" href="#" target="_blank">Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth</a> when it's another player's turn.)
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<h2><a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Food|TBLB|27" href="#" target="_blank">Food</a></h2>
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<a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Scene of the Crime" href="#" target="_blank">Scene of the Crime</a> gave us a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Clue|TMKM|14" href="#" target="_blank">Clue</a> land, so it's high time we got a <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Food|TBLB|27" href="#" target="_blank">Food</a> land! I'm surprised one didn't get printed in the Bloomburrow Squirrel deck, because that would pair well with that deck's focus on foraging.
You don't even have to stick to the tried-and-true for three life. Like <a class="edhrecp__link-a" content="Ransom Note" href="#" target="_blank">Ransom Note</a>, you could play with the formula and offer other choices, or even make the sacrifice free, given that you're trading in an entire land for it.
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<h2>What'd I Miss?</h2>
Those are the cards I thought of that I'd love to see reimagined as lands, but surely there's plenty more out there. Which effects would you like to see on a land? Let me know in the comments below — I'm always interested in seeing old, weird cards!

Michael Celani

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