Taigam, Master OpportunistTaigam, Master Opportunist | Art by Joshua Raphael

I'm Michael Celani, and by now you know the drill - let's finish off this set before previews for the next one start. Oh no, they've already started, haven't they? I'm not going to be topical! If your favorite commander ain't in here, make sure to check the previous parts for their review.

Kotis, Sibsig ChampionKotis, Sibsig Champion

We're finishing off strong with Sultai, the color combination with the most interesting commanders on average. I'd explain why, but I think I'd rather tease that information out in a five-hour YouTube video essay that ends with a Tiermaker screenshot.

Satisfaction

Since Commander Legends, Wizards has leaned into legendary designs that reward you for reanimating creatures. The first truly notable one was Tormod, the DesecratorTormod, the Desecrator, but others quickly followed suit, like Quintorius, Field HistorianQuintorius, Field Historian, Amzu, Swarm's HungerAmzu, Swarm's Hunger, and Satoru, the InfiltratorSatoru, the Infiltrator.

The point was to move the reanimator archetype away from "I paid nothing for a PraetorPraetor" to "how good of a Dry Bones impression can my Reassembling SkeletonReassembling Skeleton do?" This is an admirable goal, because suddenly plopping Avacyn, Angel of HopeAvacyn, Angel of Hope on the field for basically freefor basically free is an extremely swingy strategy that often leads to feel-bads. If you've never experienced the flames of hell radiating off a turn-two Archon of CrueltyArchon of Cruelty, then I envy you.

That leads us to Kotis, Sibsig ChampionKotis, Sibsig Champion, who has both a reanimation method and a reanimation trigger. Neat, a commander that does it all - except it does both exceptionally poorly. Sweeping your graveyard free of corpses by giving everything escape-at-home might be the most self-defeating thing you could do if you want to recur cards frequently. Not only that, the product doesn't match the price, because two +1/+1 counters each time is negligible on a commander with no built-in evasion. I've found that having a commander that does everything badly is much less fun than a commander that does one thing well.

Jankability

I'm not seeing it; even if you ignore the mild case of Do-the-Thing Syndrome (where a commander is both its own enabler/value engine and payoff), KotisKotis doesn't cheat or do anything unique enough to lead to an interesting build.

KotisKotis does pair well with the aforementioned leaves-your-graveyard commanders, though. In particular, Syr Konrad, the GrimSyr Konrad, the Grim would be especially happy to see you exile three creatures from your graveyard to cast a fourth.

Uniqueness

The game is replete with commanders that can recur creatures and noncreatures alike. Karador, Ghost ChieftainKarador, Ghost Chieftain lets you outright cast creature spells with no penalty. Same with Muldrotha, the GravetideMuldrotha, the Gravetide, who even lets you get the rest of the permanents in your yard, too.

If you wanted to go for the outright reanimator strategy, though, I'd stick with Chainer, Nightmare AdeptChainer, Nightmare Adept, who makes it much easier to stock your graveyard and gives your recurred creatures haste for good measure.

Kotis, the FangkeeperKotis, the Fangkeeper

Main-set KotisKotis has a lot more going on, though - maybe even too much.

Satisfaction

Everyone zeroes in on Kotis, the FangkeeperKotis, the Fangkeeper's indestructible, and for good reason: it means Kotis, the FangkeeperKotis, the Fangkeeper is really, really hard to deal with. I'm not talking about removal; exiling stuff is a dime-a-singleton. I mean, have you seen how played Swords to PlowsharesSwords to Plowshares is?

No, I'm talking about blocking. Assuming the deck hasn't made it outright impossible already, Kotis, the FangkeeperKotis, the Fangkeeper is at the very least going to be hopped up on +1/+1 counters, meaning it actually has annihilator 1. When your options are to throw a value piece under the bus or let your opponent cast seven spells for free off the top of your deck, it's not that much of a choice.

All this means that KotisKotis is unsatisfying to play. It's in that category of overcentralizing commander (like Tergrid, God of FrightTergrid, God of Fright), where you either let it go off and the game is over, or, worse, you don't, and a player doesn't get to play while constantly draining your resources. With KotisKotis, you're either experiencing the worst winning or the worst losing the game has to offer.

Jankability

I'll echo what I said about Gonti, Night MinisterGonti, Night Minister last time and proclaim that theft can't be jank. If you're stealing cards from an opponent, then you're not in control of your own game plan.

Uniqueness

The one thing Kotis, the FangkeeperKotis, the Fangkeeper's got for it in my eyes is that it's fairly unique. We've had theft commanders before - tons of them, apparently - but none of them are Dark Cold-Eyed SelkieCold-Eyed Selkie taken to its logical extreme.

Teval, Arbiter of VirtueTeval, Arbiter of Virtue

More like arbiter of value, am I right?

Satisfaction

Giving every spell delve is a choice. Delve is known for being extraordinarily strong, but it's not without its limitations. It does require setup; you have to stock your graveyard and find the card you want discounted.

Teval, Arbiter of VirtueTeval, Arbiter of Virtue helps with neither, and actually adds an additional downside to the mechanic, since it forces you to pay life whenever you cast a spell. By the way, that's every spell, not just the spells you delved to pay for. If your graveyard is empty and you want to cast Time StretchTime Stretch while Teval, Arbiter of VirtueTeval, Arbiter of Virtue is on the field, then you're paying that extra ten life.

For that reason, I can't say that TevalTeval is the most consistent commander this set, but damn are you gonna feel great when you delve away eleven cards to cast Ulamog, the Infinite GyreUlamog, the Infinite Gyre.

Jankability

Believe it or not, kicker.

The built-in life loss is obviously intended to stop you from paying fifty into Villainous WealthVillainous Wealth and winning the game. However, if your cards have an additional cost that you pay with mana, then you can use TevalTeval's delve to pay for it. And since TevalTeval cares about the mana value of the spell and not how much mana you spent on it, then you get to sidestep all that extra damage.

All-stars for this strategy include Everflowing ChaliceEverflowing Chalice, which turns cards into a permanent store of mana, Strength of the TajuruStrength of the Tajuru, which you can split any number of ways to add up to a kill, Verdeloth the AncientVerdeloth the Ancient, which can make an arbitrary amount of tokens, and Josu Vess, Lich KnightJosu Vess, Lich Knight, because have you ever seen anyone play that card?

Uniqueness

Another truly unique card for Sultai. Maybe I don't need a whole seven-hour video to explain why their commanders are the most interesting.

Teval, the Balanced ScaleTeval, the Balanced Scale

Satisfaction

Go ahead and read Kotis, Sibsig ChampionKotis, Sibsig Champion for the backstory if you haven't already. We get not one, but two Sultai commanders that care about cards leaving your graveyard.

Teval, the Balanced ScaleTeval, the Balanced Scale is a lot more freeform and consistent than KotisKotis. Not only are the conditions upgraded from just creatures to any card, but TevalTeval also mills the cards itself, helps you ramp, and has a better payoff of making an endless stream of chump blockers. You could theoretically run a deck that doesn't care about reanimation at all and still get a good game out of TevalTeval, which is not something you can say about KotisKotis.

Jankability

Unfortunately, all that consistency is because of a severe case of Do-the-Thing Syndrome. Teval, the Balanced ScaleTeval, the Balanced Scale is basically everything a reanimator deck wants except for the actual reanimation spells. It's the ultimate value engine. Besides, if all you really wanted was to play a landfall deck with a Crucible of WorldsCrucible of Worlds in the command zone, might I recommend a Zask, Skittering SwarmlordZask, Skittering Swarmlord with no Insects?

Uniqueness

Given that its text is basically just a combination of Tormod, the DesecratorTormod, the Desecrator and SixSix with a few things changed, I can't say that Teval, the Balanced ScaleTeval, the Balanced Scale is particularly unique. (Both are excellent includes in the deck, by the way.)

And the Winner Is...

Now comes the hard part: crowning the Most Jank Commander of Tarkir: Dragonstorm. Let's start by narrowing down the field, then looking at the remaining cards one-by-one.

The Losers:

• Most of the monocolor legendaries are out. They're all either too straightforward or too weak to make a true impact on deckbuilding. We're cutting Anafenza, Unyielding LineageAnafenza, Unyielding Lineage, Sidisi, Regent of the MireSidisi, Regent of the Mire, Sarkhan, Dragon AscendantSarkhan, Dragon Ascendant, Tersa LightshatterTersa Lightshatter, and Surrak, Elusive HunterSurrak, Elusive Hunter.
• Nothing with heavy Do-the-Thing Syndrome can make it to the finals, either, since they're obviously not jank. Zurgo StormrenderZurgo Stormrender, Eshki DragonclawEshki Dragonclaw, Ureni of the UnwrittenUreni of the Unwritten, Betor, Kin to AllBetor, Kin to All, Felothar the SteadfastFelothar the Steadfast, and Teval, the Balanced ScaleTeval, the Balanced Scale are all out.
• Kotis, the FangkeeperKotis, the Fangkeeper is disqualified. Theft isn't jank.
• Finally, anything unplayably bad is out. Sorry, Ureni, the Song UnendingUreni, the Song Unending.

Now, for the runners up, in loose order from least to most jank:

The Runner-Ups:

• Eshki, Temur's RoarEshki, Temur's Roar: Ball LightningBall Lightning aside, Eshki, Temur's RoarEshki, Temur's Roar is on the cusp of Do-the-Thing Syndrome. Not enough to be outright disqualified, but on the cusp. Being so open-ended doesn't bode well either, since you need a little bit of guidance to avoid encouraging goodstuff lists.
• Neriv, Crackling VanguardNeriv, Crackling Vanguard: I like that this commander really pushes you to diversify your token types, but the payoff being raw card advantage is too straightforward. Bring your Infinitokens.
• Neriv, Heart of the StormNeriv, Heart of the Storm: Doubling damage is fun, but I struggle to see a version of this that isn't either Impact TremorsImpact Tremors or haste.
• Narset, Jeskai WaymasterNarset, Jeskai Waymaster: Spend your hand to draw your hand. It doesn't drown you in value like other commanders in this set, but it's fairly obvious that you're playing a storm list when you reveal her.
• Felothar, Dawn of the AbzanFelothar, Dawn of the Abzan: She's plenty jank if you go the route of sacrificing FelotharFelothar to herself over and over, but beyond that, she's wholly uninteresting.
• Kotis, Sibsig ChampionKotis, Sibsig Champion: If you're going all-in on cards that trigger when things leave your graveyard, and utilize the escape effect to trigger them regardless of what you're bringing back, then that's pretty jank. If it's just raw reanimator, no thanks.
• Betor, Ancestor's VoiceBetor, Ancestor's Voice: There's a lot of opportunities for creativity in how you gain and lose the life, but there's so much stuff you have to cram in a Betor, Ancestor's VoiceBetor, Ancestor's Voice deck to make it work that there's no room for pet cards.
• Elsha, Threefold MasterElsha, Threefold Master: Combat tricks are fairly unsupported in Commander, and Elsha, Threefold MasterElsha, Threefold Master genuinely makes me want to play them. It's just that Elsha, Threefold MasterElsha, Threefold Master is either a tricks deck or an Equipment and Auras deck, and not much of anything else.
• Teval, Arbiter of VirtueTeval, Arbiter of Virtue: Thank goodness that downside is here, because otherwise it would be busted. Being able to pay for additional costs and take risky, all-in pushes on spells means there's a lot of potential for interesting plays.
• Shiko and Narset, UnifiedShiko and Narset, Unified: You have good opportunities here for jank with mutate, and there are some weird spells out there that target (like Illicit AuctionIllicit Auction). This is the first commander I can say is jank without any qualifiers.
• Shiko, Paragon of the WayShiko, Paragon of the Way: I'm so sad this doesn't have green, because I really like the interaction here with populate. Tokenifying anything from your graveyard is hilarious, and God help your opponents if you find your BrudicladBrudiclad.
• Zurgo, Thunder's DecreeZurgo, Thunder's Decree: Maskwood NexusMaskwood Nexus turns Zurgo, Thunder's DecreeZurgo, Thunder's Decree into a build-your-own The Master, MultipliedThe Master, Multiplied, which is spectacular, and even without that, you can still focus on making temporary token copies of the game's many Warriors.

Twenty-five down, and one to go. Who's the most jank commander of Tarkir: Dragonstorm?

Our Winner:

What can I say? Being able to double-dip on spells that exile themselves is just the tip of the icing on the cake. Its interaction with flashback effects means you can easily build a deck that never runs out of things to cast. Finally, the fact that all spells are eligible for suspension and the fact that he triggers on all turns means you can play at instant speed easily.

Well, that was a lot. I'll see you next set, which I hope won't have too many legen- it's the Final Fantasy set, isn't it. Better start drinkin'.