Mind Bend - Temur Aristocrats

by
Jeremy Podczerwinski
Jeremy Podczerwinski
Mind Bend - Temur Aristocrats
(Vicious ShadowsVicious Shadows | Art by Joshua Hagler)

A New Frontier

“There’s wisdom to be gained in death—whether it be one’s own or someone else’s.”

—Jarad, Golgari Lich-Lord

Ah, Orzhov. The white-black color pair most closely associated with organized crime, crooked churches, and death. Lots and lots of death. Sometimes some rebirth, too; probably for more death. But since Orzhov is crookeder than a box of snakes, you can bet that Orzhov decks are well-primed to capitalize on all that death. EDHREC's number one Orzhov commander, Teysa KarlovTeysa Karlov, is a living testament to that, currently in 11th place overall in popularity and weighing in at over 2,300 decks.

Teysa Karlov

What would happen if we were to extort a bit of Teysa's spirit and place if firmly in the realm of Temur? You know: the blue, red, and green wedge known more for punching bearspunching bears than any of this death business. Welcome back to Mind Bend, the article series that breaks down the conventional notions of the color pie to forge new ground outside the confines of the already established. Let's become the first aristocrats in Temur!


Death Becomes Her

Teysa KarlovTeysa Karlov boasts over 1,800 decks on EDHREC specifically attached to the aristocrats theme. What makes a deck an "aristocrats" deck? Outside of being the punchline to a very famous joke setup, it's also a deckbuilding archetype associated with sacrificing your own creatures for all sorts of reasons, but mostly profit. Cartel AristocratCartel Aristocrat says to "lesser" creatures, "Lay down your lives so that I may prosper off the back of a Grave PactGrave Pact."

Cartel Aristocrat
Grave Pact
Requiem Angel

At the same time, our girl Teysa KarlovTeysa Karlov makes it so that Grave PactGrave Pact is extra lethal to our opponents, doubling up that trigger so that everyone else is sacrificing two creatures to our one. What a bargain! But wait, there's more! If you act now, you get twice the number of tokens from creatures dying from our pals Requiem AngelRequiem Angel and Pawn of UlamogPawn of Ulamog. Not convinced? How about we throw in double the cards from Grim HaruspexGrim Haruspex or two times the treasure from Pitiless PlundererPitiless Plunderer?

Grim Haruspex
Pitiless Plunderer

Yes, Teysa is truly the queen of death, death, and more death. If you look at EDHREC's average decklist for her aristocrats theme, you'll see nearly 25% of it is made up of cards that care about creatures dying in some way, and that's not including sacrificial lambs like Hallowed SpiritkeeperHallowed Spiritkeeper.

I've broken down the deck into the following death-tinged categories:

Black Market
Luminous Broodmoth
Syr Konrad, the Grim

Since Teysa's whole shtick is death, traditional slots in Commander are overshadowed by the groups above. Straight, no-strings-attached card draw is minimal, and so is ramp. However, being the best two-color combination for removal means that you can answer just about anything with Anguished UnmakingAnguished Unmaking and Merciless EvictionMerciless Eviction.

Anguished Unmaking
Merciless Eviction

To sum up the deck's strategy - you live by your death triggers. You die by, well, the opposite of that.


I Choose You, Riku-chu!

Teysa KarlovTeysa Karlov wants to double all the nonsense that happens when creatures die. How can we do the same in Temur, a color combination that cares far less about things dying and more about how to make them die, especially when it comes to punchingpunching. Yes, I know that's a different timeline, the point still stands.

Riku of Two Reflections

How about we double up what's coming in, so that we can double up what's going out? I have just the man/men for the job: Riku of Two ReflectionsRiku of Two Reflections. Each creature we cast can become two, just as much as each spell we cast can be copied.

But what are some creatures that give immediate value by being copied, especially so that we can fuel our sacrifice dreams? It's Reef WormReef Worm's and Mitotic SlimeMitotic Slime's time to shine.

Reef Worm
Mitotic Slime

Reef WormReef Worm can go through three deaths, increasing in size from a lowly 0/1 to a mighty 9/9 token along the way. However, topping the death charts, Mitotic SlimeMitotic Slime works its way down, from a single 4/4 to two 2/2s to four 1/1s, giving us a whopping seven total death triggers to use at our discretion. Now, imagine doubling up the original creature with Riku in play. That's a whole lot of death we can dole out.

Similarly, we also have Hangarback WalkerHangarback Walker and Chasm SkulkerChasm Skulker that can both explode into an array of tokens. Walker might not be the best to copy with Riku, but even then it's still a death trigger for an extra two mana.

Hangarback Walker
Chasm Skulker
Nesting Dragon

Not to be outdone, Nesting DragonNesting Dragon gives us twice the fodder for each land we play.


Vicious Gameplan

All of this token sacrifice can fuel the greatest death trigger in the game, which is found on Vicious ShadowsVicious Shadows. Shadows can melt life totals in a heartbeat. Got a player that's sitting with a comfy grip of seven? Make six creatures die and they're likely out of the game.

Vicious Shadows
Goblin Sharpshooter

Although we can't hit each player a la Blood ArtistBlood Artist, we still have a few other tricks up our sleeve. Goblin SharpshooterGoblin Sharpshooter and Hissing IguanarHissing Iguanar make it so that any other aristocrats player can't get ahead on life. Otherwise, we punish the random Wrath of GodWrath of God. We can also smack one opponent with our Overwhelming StampedeOverwhelming Stampede of creatures, then sacrifice them to kill someone else post-combat.

For even more death triggers, Anax, Hardened in the ForgeAnax, Hardened in the Forge has a home here, giving us tokens for each non-token death. On a similar axis, Lightning CoilsLightning Coils and Gutter GrimeGutter Grime provide extra tokens after our creatures hit the bin.

Anax, Hardened in the Forge
Gutter Grime

We even have some death-tinged ramp for this deck. Awakening ZoneAwakening Zone and From BeyondFrom Beyond both act as incremental ramp, key chump blockers, and free death triggers each turn. Sakura-Tribe ElderSakura-Tribe Elder does extra duty and is almost never a dead card - even when we want it dead. Same is true with Solemn SimulacrumSolemn Simulacrum, and these are both creature that Riku loves to copy!

Traditional aristocrats decks love doubling their fodder, I mean tokens, with Anointed ProcessionAnointed Procession, but green gives us the OG version Parallel LivesParallel Lives, and the even OG-er Doubling SeasonDoubling Season. Doubling SeasonDoubling Season: letting decks go from good to bonkers since 2005.

Awakening Zone
Doubling Season
Cauldron of Souls

Obviously, we can also double up some of our sacrifices via both Cauldron of SoulsCauldron of Souls and LifelineLifeline, each of which lets us rebound our board straight from the graveyard for further shenanigans.


Late Night Sac

As far as ways to actually sacrifice creatures, Greater GoodGreater Good might need to change its name to Greatest Gooder. Since our creatures are more beefy than the typical aristocrats deck, each sacrifice will usually be for card quality, by way of 3-power creatures, if not for straight card advantage with anything larger. And since it's a free sac outlet, we can use it as a final burst of death triggers. Don't need cards in hand if the rest of the table is dead!

Greater Good
Ashnod's Altar
Goblin Bombardment

Other Commander staples find yet another home here: Ashnod's AltarAshnod's Altar and Phyrexian AltarPhyrexian Altar provide some mana on the fly, Evolutionary LeapEvolutionary Leap and SkullclampSkullclamp let us dig hard, and Goblin BombardmentGoblin Bombardment is always welcome!

The main thing we can't replicate in Temur is forced sacrifice effects like Grave PactGrave Pact, so to compensate, let's just draw a bunch of cards with Sylvan LibrarySylvan Library and Return of the WildspeakerReturn of the Wildspeaker, not to mention some death-based draw via FosterFoster and FecundityFecundity. Just make sure that you come out ahead on creatures with FecundityFecundity, or punish the tokens player by sticking Vicious ShadowsVicious Shadows first. Make it hurt for them to draw.

Sylvan Library
Foster
Fecundity

Riku of Two Deaths

This decklist kinda goes a bit old school, repurposing old Commander favorites to squeeze out extra value from each. We're getting all parts of the animal from Solemn SimulacrumSolemn Simulacrum, same is true for Greater GoodGreater Good. Fitting, given our commander comes from the original precons.


Temur Aristocrats

View on Archidekt

Commander (1)

Creatures (21)

Instants (8)

Sorceries (11)

Artifacts (6)

Enchantments (17)

Lands (36)

Riku of Two Reflections

Te-mur, the Merrier

I think this decklist could at least put a smirk on the face of the queen of aristocrats, Teysa KarlovTeysa Karlov. We'll be racking up the death count, punishing our opponents for it along the way. Hey, someone's got to pay, might as well not be us. How could that be any more Orzhov?

Come back next month for another pint of mind-bending brews!

Jeremy Podczerwinski

Jeremy is a data analyst in his hometown of Chicago. He is the commissioner of a Commander league at a local LGS, Near Mint Games. He is also a board member for AnimeChicago, an non-profit anime club for adults, and an avid craft beer fan.

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