(Dragon's Approach | Art by Andrew Mar)

You Do The Slime, You Do The Time

Welcome to Too-Specific Top 10, where if there isn’t a category to rank our pet card at the top of, we’ll just make one up! (Did you know that Surgical Extraction is the only "Zero" mana spell that can exile all of your Slimes?)

The green version of the "play any number of" card is here, and it makes Oozes! The question is, who do we get to lead it? Let's see, plug in Oozes, +1/+1 counters, sorceries, carry the green...

Top 10 Slime Against Humanity Commanders

1. Rishkar, Peema Renegade
2. Vorinclex, Monstrous Raider
3. Kodama of the West Tree
4. Shalai, Voice of Plenty
5. Adrix and Nev, Twincasters
6. Atraxa, Praetors' Voice
7. Renata, Called to the Hunt
8. Halana and Alena, Partners
9. Mazirek, Kraul Death Priest
10. Torens, Fist of the Angels

Well that is... not a good list. Tell you what, let's take another tack. If we can't pick a commander to start, maybe we can find a color combination and pick out a commander to suit.

To do so, let's look at a rare breed. There are a lot of cards that are typically dismissed out of hand for singleton Commander decks that end up being perfect for decks built with cards like Slime Against Humanity: Cards which reference multiple copies of the same card.

Top 10 Non-Permanent Multi-Card Cards

First off, we need to acknowledge something very important: Slime Against Humanity is not a creature spell, it is a sorcery spell that makes creature tokens. Why is that? Well, one can only imagine it was because green would absolutely crack a creature spell you could play any number of copies of in half.

There are half a dozen green cards that would immediately have you looking for multiple copies of your green creature and putting them directly onto the battlefield. To get around this, Wizards designed Slime Against Humanity as a sorcery instead, eliminating many of our options. Still, there's gotta be lots left to look at, right?

Criteria: Cards which check your cards for non-permanents (i.e. general cards or sorceries, not creatures, artifacts, or permanents) with the same name. As is tradition, all results are ordered by EDHREC score.

10. Sphinx of the Chimes

(358 Inclusions, 0% of 1,753,488 Decks)

I'm not mathematician, but two-for-four seems like a very good exchange rate. Combine that with us getting a 5/6 flier out of the deal as well, and this is a strong contender for us leaning toward Simic+. The only real downside to take into consideration here is that it's six mana, or as we'll come to know it, two Slimes Against Humanity. That's a lot of commitment, but it's not like Simic can't handle getting up in mana. So, to see how, let's take a look at some Simic options:

Unsurprisingly, the options are fairly deep in Simic when it comes to +1/+1 counter synergies, but I immediately latched onto some options that would also keep our "hand" full. Pir, Imaginative Rascal partnering with Toothy, Imaginary Friend is probably the most powerful version that ticks both boxes, although the hate that this well-known pairing is going to draw to you might not be worth it. With that said, my under-the-radar Simic pairing would be Gale, Waterdeep Prodigy and Master Chef. While both are awkwardly the same mana cost as the 30 or so Slimes you're going to play, which is less than ideal, it's a less well known combination that also ticks the "card advantage" and "+1/+1 counters" boxes. Even better, you can build Gale as a sort of control build that will have people never wanting to swing into you for fear of both an instant piece of interaction and a huge Ooze. Did I mention that Slime Against Humanity still counts the copies you exile with Gale? It's gonna be hard to beat this pairing, honestly.

9. Nantuko Shrine

(797 Inclusions, 0% of 1,650,641 Decks)

No real commitment here, as we're in green! What we do need to consider, however, is the age-old question when it comes to "you can have any number of cards": Would we rather have a copy of Nantuko Shrine, or another copy of Slime Against Humanity? For this one, the math comes out pretty close. It really comes down to the early versus late game split. Early game, you're almost always going to want to play a Slime Against Humanity, just to start getting your Oozes to be of a decent size. Late game, however, it's more than worth it to take a break from slamming down 8/8's to throw a wrench in things and end up with six Squirrels instead. That goes double if we end up with cards that will put +1/+1 counters on the entire team, which seems likely.

It's kind of a close call here, but I lean towards Nantuko Shrine as a great way to live through a board wipe that might otherwise destroy you entirely.

8. Infernal Tutor

(1,348 Inclusions, 0% of 1,833,069 Decks)

Our first black card doesn't impress, at least not from the Slime Against Humanity perspective. If we go with the test of whether we'd rather have Infernal Tutor, a card that can go find Slime Against Humanity if we already have another copy of it in hand, or if we'd rather have another copy of Slime Against Humanity we'd draw instead... Well, this isn't a hard decision, is what I'm saying. In short, if you're not using the Hellbent portion of this card, it's just kind of a bad card.

7. Harness the Storm

(2,197 Inclusions, 0% of 1,713,967 Decks)

Here is a definite reason to play Gruul, if we find any good commander options for it. Getting double the Ooze for every cast of Slime Against Humanity is going to lead to some absolute blowouts, and the likelihood that we'll be able to give those Oozes haste really just pushes this option over the top. Still, to be sure, we should take a look and make sure that Gruul really can play around with +1/+1 counters, as it's not really the color combination most known for that.

I've seen several people brewing around Halana and Alena, Partners, and it's not hard to see why. Immediately making your Slimes bigger and hasty is going to translate to some serious damage to your opponents. Still, I think Minsc & Boo are also worth taking a look at, given that they can both make your Slimes bigger with their +1 and also Fling the huge Slimes directly at people's faces to finish them off. In similar fashion, Shalai and Hallar can do the direct damage on the front end, while also giving you access to white. We'll just have to see if there are any other options that have us leaning more toward Naya than Gruul.

6. Spellweaver Helix

(2,745 Inclusions, 0% of 3,567,430 Decks)

Luckily, no matter what color combination we play, we'll effectively have another copy of Harness the Storm in Spellweaver Helix. There is a good and bad side to that comparison, however. On the bad side, you have to have at least one Slime Against Humanity and another sorcery in the graveyard to have Spellweaver Helix do anything. On the better side, that second sorcery doesn't have to be another copy of Slime Against Humanity, so you could end up copying something like a Harmonize, Expand the Sphere, or Carnivorous Canopy over and over again. That's the kind of value that could really have you swinging in with some serious Ooze before long.

5. Pyromancer Ascension

(4,534 Inclusions, 0% of 1,713,967 Decks)

Three in a row on copy-your-spell-you-can-play-extra-copies-of spells! The two-mana rate for Pyromancer Ascension does perhaps push it over the top, however, even with the need to cast two copies before you get any value out of it. At the very least, if you start with it in your opening hand, playing it down on turn two before you start casting Slimes just results in a nice curve that's going to feel great every time.

With three options to copy spells, I'm now leaning a lot more toward a spellslinger version of the deck, rather than focusing too much on +1/+1 counters. So, let's take a look at those Gruul+ commander options, shall we?

Illuna, Apex of Wishes might not seem like the most natural fit, but let me explain my reasoning: Mutating onto a big Slime will result in a 6/6 flier with tons of counters on it that counts as your commander, really making commander damage a reasonable game ender. As for the Mutate trigger, with most of your deck full of nonland permanents, i.e. lands and Slime Against Humanity, you can engineer the deck so that Illuna always finds an engine like Pyromancer Ascension, or a cost reducer that will keep things humming. If you're looking for a more obvious choice for Gruul Spellslinger, however, Wort, the Raidmother is right there, like it has been since the beginning of the Commander format. Tapping Goblins and early, smaller Slimes to copy your big late-game Slime spells is going to get things out of hand quick!

The real diamond in the rough here, though, is Codie, Vociferous Codex. With your Oozes being creatures that result from non-creature spells, Codie allows you to play a deck of all "non-permanent" spells while you can still swing in for huge damage and have a mana rock in the command zone that also draws cards. If you really wanted to get crazy, you could even play a spellslinger version that plays both Slime Against Humanity and Dragon's Approach!

4. Locket of Yesterdays

(6,544 Inclusions, 0% of 3,567,430 Decks)

No matter who you end up with at the helm of your Slime Against Humanity deck, you'll be playing Locket of Yesterdays in it. And let's not mince words, having an extra cost reducer in the deck is a huge deal. Slime Against Humanity already feels pretty good once you've cast the second one for three mana. When you start getting huge tramplers for two mana, that's just winning the game.

3. Secret Salvage

(7,807 Inclusions, 0% of 1,833,069 Decks)

As good as red has looked this whole time, it's hard to argue with a card that essentially says "draw a third of your deck" on it. To be clear, Secret Salvage is not some sort of secret tech, it's been the number one thing to look out for when it comes to playing against Relentless Rats decks, and if you branched out into Golgari+, then it could definitely do the same for Slime Against Humanity.

Gruul looks to be a haven of Partner pairings that care about +1/+1 counters, most notably the Ooze of the bunch, Slurrk, All-Ingesting. I personally love the pairing we have there of the expensive six-mana Slurrk and the cheap Francisco, Fowl Marauder, but I know there will be a loud majority that would rather go with the more powerful pairing of Reyhan, Last of the Abzan and another Partner that can provide extra colors like Krark, the Thumbless, Ishai, Ojutai Dragonspeaker, or Kraum, Ludevic's Opus.

2. Pirated Copy

(8,339 Inclusions, 1% of 1,270,690 Decks)

With your Oozes coming stock from the Slimeyards with trample, they're going to be getting through a ton. Combine that with Pirated Copy drawing you cards whenever they do, and you've got what looks like a great pairing.

Unfortunately, Pirated Copy coming in as a copy of Slime Against Humanity's Ooze token is a bit of a nonbo. With it not entering with any +1/+1 counters, it will immediately die in horrible 0/0 poverty, not letting you draw any cards at all. This can be mitigated with a commander who lets you add +1/+1 counters to all creatures entering the battlefield, such as the aforementioned Master Chef, but even in those conditions this feels like a risky move for what's already a more expensive Coastal Piracy effect. In fact, I'm a bit confused as to why this is as popular an option as it is, when there are half a dozen cards in blue that do this for cheaper and for all your creatures. Not a fan.

1. Thrumming Stone

(22,368 Inclusions, 1% of 3,567,430 Decks)

The inevitable is here. The monster card that everyone worries about as soon as the first Relentless Rats variant hits a table: Thrumming Stone. It's no wonder why, either. No matter if it's Rats, Bureaucrats, or the flapping of incoming Dragon wings, Thrumming Stone can take any of them and make them into an instant "you win the game" button.

To give you an idea of just how lethal Thrumming Stone can be, let's run the odds on your average Thrumming Stone activation. Assuming you get it down on turn four and get to use it for the first time on turn five, you'd have normally drawn a total of 12 cards from your deck at that point, leaving you with 78 cards, around 30 of which are the multi-card card you're looking for, most likely. With those odds, you have a 49.9% chance of Rippling 4 into at least one more copy, which will start the chain. The odds seem like they get worse at that point, with you having put three non-hits on the bottom, but you haven't shuffled, so they can effectively be discounted completely. That puts us at 74 cards and 29 copies, assuming we didn't hit two copies (which would result in two triggers anyhow), making our chance at a second hit 51.3%! We're gonna need a chart here, aren't we.

Odds of Hitting Consecutive "Multi-card Cards" with Thrumming Stone, Assuming 30 Copies

# of Hits	Individual Odds of Hitting	Odds of Hitting Consecutively
1	49.9%	49.9%
2	51.3%	25.6%
3	52.7%	13.5%
4	54.4%	0.07%
5	56.2%	0.003%

 

Now, a 0.003% chance of hitting five times seems bad, right? Here's the issue, though: Do you see the individual probability getting higher and higher? This means that while your first hits aren't that impressive, your odds of it getting better and better as the game goes on keep rising (provided you don't shuffle)! So, whether you think you know the math or not, your best course of action if you see a Thrumming Stone hit the table is probably just to get rid of it!

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Honorable Mentions

We've gone over a lot of cards that are quite good with both Slime Against Humanity and the rest of the Multi-card cards today, but there are still a couple that we missed that are good with either the spell or creature versions.

And why did we miss them? Well, because they're not good. Maybe that will change when we get a white version to finish the cycle that cares about Aven Shrine's lifegain, but you would have to go full Codie "Oops, All Multi-Card" to make Search the City work, and it would still be a touch and go thing with a terrible mana base of all basic lands.

You'd have to be crazy to do a meme deck like that though, huh?

Not sure even with an entire deck dedicated to being able to play Search the City if we actually achieved it being good. Deck kinda low-key slaps, though. Turn three Codie, untap, play either an Approach or a Slime cascading into a Fork or a Neoform to sacrifice Codie to go get a Manaform Hellkite, then untap and start really going to town with Slimes and Approaches until your opponents are dead. Simple, but pretty darn effective, honestly. Not bad for a meme deck.

Speaking of memes, there's one more thing to do with Slime Against Humanity that we never really got into much: Making one huge Ooze, then never making one again.

To be clear, I don't advise this strategy, but it is available. With Slime Against Humanity counting cards in exile, it's easy enough to put a Slime Against Humanity on the stack, then in response cast a Surgical Extraction or Extirpate, exiling every Slime in your deck and resulting in an easy 30/30 with trample. Or if you'd rather do that but worse in blue, you can accomplish the same with an Invasive Surgery, only you need two Slimes on the stack and Delirium, so that one's a bit of a long shot. No matter how you swing it, though, it'll be a story, even if that story ends with your huge Slime dying to Doom Blade.

Speaking of the end of the story, I bet you're looking for the real decklist with the commanders I decided on. Well, say hello to my Pirate Parrot Slime concoction!

I'll be honest, this is probably not the most powerful version of this deck. Of the commander combinations I went over today, I think that the Gale and Master Chef combination is probably easily the most powerful, what with having the most cost reductions available and allowing for the recasting of instants and sorceries in the command zone. With that said, however, I do think Francisco and Slurrk is the most fun of the commanders I went over today, with opportunities to do the big splashy plays that will get every Slime Against Humanity out of your deck while also having a bunch of self-mill to get copies into your graveyard more organically.

Either way, there's no doubt that slamming down huge Oozes is a fun way to play the game, and there's a lot of options for how to do it.

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Nuts and Bolts

There always seems to be a bit of interest in how these lists are made (this seems like a good time to stress once again that they are based on EDHREC score, NOT my personal opinion…), and people are often surprised that I’m not using any special data or .json from EDHREC, but rather just muddling my way through with some Scryfall knowledge! For your enjoyment/research, here is this week’s Scryfall search.

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What Do You Think?

[Comment]Editors, I'd like a poll here with the following options:[/Comment]

How do you feel about the latest addition to the "plan any number" cycle?

• Eh, it's just green Rats, honestly.
• Cool play on the archetype, I suppose...
• Oooooooooooooozzzzzze!

And finally, are you building Slime Against Humanity? What commanders/colors are you doing it with? Are you already angrily typing about how I never mentioned Aeve, Progenitor Ooze even once in the article?

Let us know in the comments, and we'll see you at the table suspended inside the Gelatinous Cube. It'll be fine, I promise.

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