Ad NauseamAd Nauseam | Art by Jeremy Jarvis

I was playing a game of Commander recently that made me really angry. Probably more upset than I've felt in a long time. My new Henzie "Toolbox" TorreHenzie "Toolbox" Torre deck had recently been finished so I was trying it out with my partner and some friends. He was playing Teval, the Balanced ScaleTeval, the Balanced Scale, a way stronger deck than mine - at least in my opinion.

I'd had a good start with a turn two Henzie. He'd played Teval on turn four, and I was able to blitz in a Treeshaker ChimeraTreeshaker Chimera. I board wiped him and managed to put the Treeshaker ChimeraTreeshaker Chimera back into my hand the next turn. At this point my partner got quiet and a little annoyed because he'd managed to put his Teval back out. He mentioned that if he'd blown up my commander like that I would be so upset.

He was right; I would be.

A choice presented itself. I could do what made the most sense optimally, could board wipe him again and keep him off Teval for another two turns. Teval ramps a lot, and gets a ton of value from him being a flyer. He always safely gets his attack trigger. I could make my partner feel bad just to win. I took a breath and decided not to.

Blitzing out a Etali, Primal StormEtali, Primal Storm got me a Beseech the MirrorBeseech the Mirror. I milled a Craterhoof BehemothCraterhoof Behemoth off of my partner. He often animates Craterhoof in his deck as his main win-con. I had another choice: I could animate the Craterhoof after combat to make sure he couldn't use it to win. Saying this aloud, I decided that would be too mean. I didn't know how he could win without it.

Naturally, next turn he managed to animate Craterhoof two times in a row and with his few creatures dealing 35 damage to me, killing only me. My first impulse was white hot rage. I was so angry. I felt like my partner had weaponized his hurt feelings and sort of encouraged me to take a lighter hand with him so he could crack back.

This brings me, after a lot of preamble, to my point with this article. Who made the mistake here? We both felt awful, but who made the right choice?

My Partner's POV

So, my partner doesn't have a malicious bone in his body. He wasn't going to do anything crazy on his turn, when he made his comment. After I'd milled the Craterhoof, he hadn't said anything either. He voiced his annoyance not with losing his win-con but being board wiped twice in a row, which seems like a fair salt announcement, especially losing your commander twice in a row as well.

When he saw the line to kill the person who had the fastest start, he had a choice. This choice is the interesting social problem.

Does he return my obvious sandbagging, putting him behind and potentially losing the game? Should he return my kindness by letting me live? In a way it seems like my initial kindness is a kind of advantage. I sort of trapped my partner in this social obligation to keep up the kindness and of leave me alone.

It's like I weaponized niceness. I was socially pressuring him not to do anything messed up to my board state, or my win con, because I'd saved him this feeling. He was trapped: lose or turn his back on my kindness.

Naturally, my partner didn't think it through that much. He's a power gamer and didn't even consider the kindness needed to be returned. He killed me. I feel like there is a beauty and ruthlessness to this. After he did this, I was horribly angry, but I thought I just shouldn't have showed mercy. If I'd not shown mercy, we wouldn't have held each other captive. My partner even said this, after seeing how angry I was. He apologized, saying he'd made a mistake by putting me in that situation by being upset.

I don't think he was wrong to get upset though; I was wrong to let it affect me. I don't mean this in a malicious, serious, or ruthless way. In a lot of ways, I should have just accepted that losing was okay because I wanted my partner to be happy. I shouldn't have wanted to show mercy and live.

My own ruthlessness was the other side of the coin. I could be a person who martyrs a win to keep the saltiness out of my partner or be the ruthless player who wanted to win through the salt. My partner would have understood either way, but I'm curious what is really the right option. What should I have done no matter what? Before I decide this, I want to tell you about another scenario.

Our Third Power Gamer Friend

My partner, and my partner's best friend (we'll call him Wyatt), and I have recently gotten into a CEDH. We haven't found a fourth yet who wants to play the kind of power we like to play so it was just the three of us in this game. I was on Magda, Brazen OutlawMagda, Brazen Outlaw, my partner was on Tymna the WeaverTymna the Weaver and Kraum, Ludevic's OpusKraum, Ludevic's Opus, and Wyatt played Rograkh, Son of RohgahhRograkh, Son of Rohgahh and Silas Renn, Seeker AdeptSilas Renn, Seeker Adept.

My partner played a Drannith MagistrateDrannith Magistrate before I could cast Magda, which locked me out of my whole deck. Later, there was a counter war about Wyatt's Ad NauseamAd Nauseam. I ended up offering a deal to Wyatt, saying if he used his resources to pop the Drannith MagistrateDrannith Magistrate I'd counter one of the spells against his Ad NauseamAd Nauseam.

He accepted, but the deal was a little loose. The spirit of the deal was to pop the Drannith as soon as he could. Wyatt ended up comboing off and in the process killed the Drannith. My partner pointed out that the looseness of the deal made it a bad deal for me. I was giving him an essentially free counter.

Here's another dilemma: Did Wyatt trick me, or did he follow the rules of the deal? Sometimes the nature of a deal sort of puts you ahead. Should you feel bad that you lucked out in the politics?

There is a weird effect of politics in general. Sometimes the nature of a deal benefits one player more because of unknown information. When we make deals, should we have to be specific? Should we allow the spirit of a deal be the more important thing? When are we tricking each other? When are we using the aspects of a deal to our advantage like any other element of this game?

This idea of kingmaking is another relevant aspect of this conversation. If action or inaction secure the game for another player, what should you do? What action in that moment isn't simply political?

Conclusion

As I talked about in my article about cEDH, there are a lot of factors about the multiplayer element of Commander that makes decision making tough. This is both in the elements of the game, but more times than not it's social or political. It could be showing mercy, could be kingmaking, and/or could be bad deals.

The question here is what's the right choice? I've been thinking about this extensively. I want to present you all with more than just saying it's what matters most to you, more than it's about what kind of player you want people to think of you as.

I did a poll on Bluesky, asking people what is the biggest social aspect of Commander that doesn't get discussed. Overwhelmingly across many different topics, a theme arose: reading the room. There was this concept that the best thing to do in a particular game is part of the social contract we have with other players. We should hold back in context and vice versa.

If we're in a high power pod and everyone agrees to be ruthless, then mercy is not appropriate. When you're playing with friends, and your deck has been winning all night, it might be a good idea to let the game ride out with you losing on purpose.

You don't have to win every game, but you're entitled to win when you want to win. Sometimes that's the conversation you need to have before the game starts. How chill is this game going to be? How casual? It can be fun either way.

This isn't a cop out, I promise. We need to understand that one solution doesn't apply to everything. In the situation with my partner, it's still difficult because when I play with him it's always cutthroat. He wins often, so I shouldn't have shown mercy. I knew that, and as angry as it made me, the fault was on me. It seems cruel, but that was the right move in that kind of environment.

The same with the second scenario with Wyatt. I should have been more specific about my request because cEDH is a competitive environment and Wyatt should have taken any advantage he could get.

When I'm on Magic gameplay streams, it's not the same. I should be considering how fun the game is a to watch and participate in. I'm not saying I shouldn't try to win, but not at any cost. Playing for chill vibes should be chill, is what I'm saying.

But that's just my thoughts. What do you think? Let me know! I'm @strixhavendropout on Bluesky!