Kalakscion, Hunger TyrantKalakscion, Hunger Tyrant | art by John Tedrick

Welcome to Jank No More, where we build decks to elevate borderline unplayable Commander cards to near-Game Changer levels.

My name is Steve Heisler, and I’ve always designed Commander decks that lean heavily into synergy and away from staples, Game Changers and well-worn strategies.

It gives me no greater joy than to discover that a pretty janky card really shines when paired with my Commander— Akroan HorseAkroan Horse in Grismold, the DreadsowerGrismold, the Dreadsower and Dance with CalamityDance with Calamity in Laelia, the Blade ReforgedLaelia, the Blade Reforged spring to mind, but examples abound in Commander, my favorite format.

In this recurring series, I’ll be identifying recent cards that are destined to flop but endure, even thrive, in the right circumstances.

Decks in Jank No More are meant to be both playable in their own right and to serve as starting points from which to branch off in your own direction.

To maximize variance, maintain a reasonable budget and keep decks at Bracket 3 or below, I’ll be eschewing most tutors and fast mana sources when making these first passes. And, for future reference, I hardly ever run Sol RingSol Ring because I find the card blatantly unfun.

Vanilla's Alluring Flavor

Tucked away from the whiz-bang auto body shop that is Aetherdrift, my eye caught a collection of five tyrannical Legendary, ability-less creatures, one for each color, boasting very little playability outside of Limited.

Sundial, Dawn TyrantSundial, Dawn Tyrant and Tyrox, Saurid TyrantTyrox, Saurid Tyrant are objectively the worst ones, and I briefly debated making a Geralf, Visionary StitcherGeralf, Visionary Stitcher deck featuring Caelorna, Coral TyrantCaelorna, Coral Tyrant as an incredibly mana-efficient 8/8 flying Zombie-in-waiting, but the remaining two really spoke to me as only a chonky vanilla creature could.

Kalakscion, Hunger TyrantKalakscion, Hunger Tyrant and Terrian, World TyrantTerrian, World Tyrant provide some of the most generous power-to-mana value ratios in the game—perfect for a Varolz, the Scar-StripedVarolz, the Scar-Striped deck I’ve been meaning to resuscitate since the printing of Yargle and MultaniYargle and Multani in March of the Machine.

They’re also quite obscure: According to EDHREC, they appear in a statistically insignificant number of 99s that doesn’t even warrant a percentage of a percentage point.

Unlike a lot of graveyard-based decks, Varolz isn’t concerned with reanimating or recasting fallen creatures. Instead, he gives them Scavenge, meaning that at sorcery speed, you can pay the creature’s mana value to exile it from the graveyard and place +1/+1 counters on a creature equal to the exiled creature’s power.

The counters he extracts can be placed on creatures that care about that sort of thing, or on himself for a Voltron victory; he doesn’t include evasion inherently, but comes with a preinstalled Regeneration sac outlet that offers resiliency and additional utility for mana dorks and any vanilla creatures that wind up being cast.

Scavenger Hunt

The deck I’ve built comes with a veritable buffet of otherwise unplayable creatures from which to cherry pick carcasses. Call them the Unplayables:

At one mana, we find the most efficient one in the deck: Death’s ShadowDeath’s Shadow, a creature that instantly dies in most Commander scenarios but buffs a creature’s power by 13 for a single black pip. Patchwork BeastiePatchwork Beastie is far less threatening but holds some additional utility, and Circling VulturesCircling Vultures felt very on-flavor.

Two mana is where things start to get cheeky. See, creatures whose power and toughness are set by a star maintain those values in every game zone, and Scavenge synergizes with this ruling.

With a full graveyard at your disposal, Souls of the LostSouls of the Lost and Old StickfingersOld Stickfingers will pass their high power and provide a mess of counters for very little mana.

(Of note: The ruling doesn’t apply to creatures who enter with boosted stats but are otherwise 0/0, like Walking BallistaWalking Ballista and Multani, Yavimaya’s AvatarMultani, Yavimaya’s Avatar.)

The remaining Scavenge targets feature big-power beaters like Kalakscion and Terrian alongside Daemogoth TitanDaemogoth Titan, Phyrexian SoulgorgerPhyrexian Soulgorger, Hunted TrollHunted Troll and Yargle, Glutton of UrborgYargle, Glutton of Urborg. The list also includes virtually unplayables like Eater of DaysEater of Days and literally unplayables like Force of SavageryForce of Savagery.

Bin to Win

None of our creatures can get swole without a graveyard full of dumbbells, so the deck includes a fair number of curated Mill and Discard options. I mostly included creatures that hold usefulness beyond Mill, like Molt TenderMolt Tender, Aftermath AnalystAftermath Analyst, Skull ProphetSkull Prophet, Undead ButlerUndead Butler and Nyx WeaverNyx Weaver, while Putrid ImpPutrid Imp and Lotleth TrollLotleth Troll lead the pack in cheap, repeatable Discard outlets.

Cynical LonerCynical Loner, the deck’s lone tutor, can pop creatures directly into the graveyard and can be Scavenged for a fair amount, as well.

For the most part, you’ll want to put counters on the resilient Varolz himself and start swinging in for Commander damage. Duskshell CrawlerDuskshell Crawler and Bramblewood ParagonBramblewood Paragon offer trample (plus, Varolz is a Warrior), as does BrawnBrawn, one of the best trample enablers ever printed and a slam dunk in this deck.

For this first pass, I included Champion of LambholtChampion of Lambholt as an additional +1/+1 counters lightning rod and a means for pushing damage through blockers, plus Evolution WitnessEvolution Witness as a repeatable source of recursion for wincons and trample-gifters.

Alternatively, you can pump up any creature and fling it with Jarad, Golgari Lich LordJarad, Golgari Lich Lord or lay down Syr Konrad, the GrimSyr Konrad, the Grim and ping opponents for most Mill and every Scavenge trigger. If all else fails, a massive Living DeathLiving Death ends games—just don’t forget to Scavenge away Eater of Days.

Nitty Gritty

Varolz still has to eat his vegetables—ramp, card draw, removal and plenty of lands—and in putting together those collections, I’ve taken care to include secondary Scavenge and +1/+1 counters synergies when possible.

Mana dorks are essential to Varolz’s strategy, as getting him out T2 alongside a body to sacrifice represents a huge tempo advantage. They can also be Scavenged later in a pinch.

My list runs all of the budget options: Llanowar ElvesLlanowar Elves, Fyndhorn ElvesFyndhorn Elves, Elvish MysticElvish Mystic, Arbor ElfArbor Elf and Elves of Deep ShadowElves of Deep Shadow. Additionally, you’ll find a few other ramp pieces that explode when pumped with +1/+1 counters, like Gyre SageGyre Sage, Kami of Whispered HopesKami of Whispered Hopes and Rampant RejuvenatorRampant Rejuvenator—which also benefits from Varolz being a sac outlet).

Card draw is where you’ll find a few (relatively) non-budget inclusions that serve essential purposes to the Varolz strategy. Selvala, Heart of the WildsSelvala, Heart of the Wilds and Beast WhispererBeast Whisperer trigger when we’re forced to cast our cheap Vanilla beaters, with the former doubling as a powerful ramp source.

Greater GoodGreater Good, recently reprinted in Bloomburrow Commander, feels tailor-made for Varolz by transforming counters into card draw while simultaneously furthering the Scavenge strategy.

Fellow Bloomburrow card Season of GatheringSeason of Gathering is an all-star and checks many of the Varolz boxes: card draw, counters, trample and flexible removal.

Because the deck has to run so many bland beaters, I opted to lean heavily into MDFC lands for removal to save space. Boggart TrawlerBoggart Trawler and Bridgeworks BattleBridgeworks Battle were budget no-brainers, and if you haven’t yet done so, pick up a Fell the ProfaneFell the Profane or two while they’re $3.50 and run them in every black deck forever.

Same goes for Toxic DelugeToxic Deluge at $5.50, benefiting from a reprint in Modern Horizons 3, particularly because it synergizes well with our big bois on the field.

Pay special attention to Retribution of the AncientsRetribution of the Ancients. It works at instant speed, requires only one black mana regardless of how many counters you extract, and allows you to grab the counters from among your creatures. The card electrifies my Breena, the DemagogueBreena, the Demagogue deck, and it’s set to put in work here.

Scavenge Your Way

You'll find some options in the Maybeboard to use for customization or to refine your budget one way or the other. Deathrite ShamanDeathrite Shaman and Shifting WoodlandShifting Woodland are fabulous graveyard staples but didn't quite fit in this current build; same with the Dredgers Golgari ThugGolgari Thug and Stinkweed ImpStinkweed Imp.

Swiftfoot BootsSwiftfoot Boots provides additional protection while Desecrated TombDesecrated Tomb throws tokens into the mix for each Scavenge. Nested ShamblerNested Shambler and Emperor of BonesEmperor of Bones add more synergy with counters, and Lord of ExtinctionLord of Extinction exists as perhaps the beefiest Scavenge target available.

I also threw in a few more Unplayables in case you'd like to mix-and-match.

All told, even with a few higher budget inclusions like

, Quilled GreatwurmQuilled Greatwurm and Nurturing PeatlandNurturing Peatland, the base deck will run you roughly $125 on TCG Player with the potential to be even cheaper.

Kalakscion and Terrian have never looked so good.

What Jank May Come?

I'd love to hear from you about your own jank! Do you have a pet card that is pretty much unplayable in every Commander deck but a select few? How does it perform? Let me know! Until next time…