J. Jonah JamesonJ. Jonah Jameson|Art by Paolo Rivera

Are we live? Good.

Producer: This is "Just the Facts," with J. Jonah Jameson, where listeners like you discuss the issues affecting our city with two-time Pulitzer Prize winner J. Jonah Jameson, publisher at the Daily Bugle. As always, if you order our book, Spider-Man, Threat or Menace, within 24 hours of this broadcast, you'll get a free autographed copy. Take it away, sir.

JJJ: Thank you. I must correct you, it's *former* publisher at the Daily Bugle. Anyway, here at "Just the Facts," I alert you to the threats you don't know about. First, a little bit about me. Aside from what my producer already said, I worked at the Bugle for many years before becoming a podcaster. I love New York, and with that love comes my concern for the wellbeing of people in this fair city. Also, to honor those brave souls who put their lives on the line to protect--Spider-Man? HE'S A MENACE! How dare you -- NO! YOU'RE FIRED! GOODBYE!

*Ahem* Oh, Jared gave me something here. What is this? Oh, it's a card from some game called Magic: The Gathering. On top of that, it's a card of me. Ok, is that set symbol Spider-Man's mask? *Takes Sharpie and scrubs out the set symbol.* That's better. So, at least there's some text here that tells me what this does. I turn something into a menace (or, rather, a creature with menace), and whenever one of those menaces I control attacks, I get some Treasure token? Not bad.

Jared, see if you can find a caller who plays this game, and put them on the line. Anyway, I bet those Spider-Man cards are c-- What do you mean I can't say the "c word?" Fine. In the meantime, we go to commercials.

After Said Messages

JJJ: Welcome back to "Just the Facts," by Yours Truly, J. Jonah Jameson. We have a caller with us, and Jared was kind enough to teach me the basics of this game. Let's dive right in. Caller, tell me your thoughts on my card. Speak!

Caller: Ok, if you want those tokens, you need to fill the deck with as many menace creatures as possible. Stuff like Professional Face-BreakerProfessional Face-Breaker or Rampaging FerocidonRampaging Ferocidon, because you can't get those tokens from a suspected creature, unless it's one of your own.

JJJ: Unfortunate, but at least I can suspect Spider-Man, and bring him down. Reading this list, I noticed there's so few.

Caller: Yeah, there isn't much out there at the moment in Universes Beyond, but I do have something later that can help.

JJJ: Fine. Any other ways?

Caller: No, but there's plenty of good cards in the list. The Fire CrystalThe Fire Crystal makes your stuff cheaper, and allows you to copy something. Perhaps create a copy of your card to suspect another creature. Similarly, Flamerush RiderFlamerush Rider can clone another creature that's also attacking. Meanwhile, Sticky FingersSticky Fingers gives a creature menace, and nets you a Treasure on hit. Failing these, Command BeaconCommand Beacon can be sacrificed to return your card to your hand from the command zone. Useful if it gets too expensive to cast.

JJJ: And these won't deal with Spider-Man?

Caller: Not directly, but there's always worse. Much worse. Bigger things that would block your path to winning the game. The decklist I have on me has some big creatures, but they need to get through to win. Chances are, you'll want to suspect your own creatures to get both the menace keyword, and the Treasure. Not being able to block isn't a big drawback as we're mostly going to be attacking anyway.

JJJ: Alright, fair enough. I'll admit that there are worse things than a vain, web-slinging nuisance like Spider-Man, and they need to be dealt with to ensure the safety of New York and its citizens. Now, you mentioned that you have a list for me?

Caller: I do. Would you like me to send it?

JJJ: Yes, please. Right, Jared, we go to commercials again.

The Caller's Decklist

Rundown

JJJ: And we're live again! Is the caller still on?

Caller: Still here.

JJJ: So, what's the big idea with this list? All I see are good cards, big menaces, and me.

Caller: So, I had to make do with what's there, so this deck tends to play as a "good stuff" kind of deck. Of course, with the caveat of having a few cards to work with the abilities on your card. Also, you're in exactly one color, so options are even more limited. Aspiring ChampionAspiring Champion not only has menace, but it can bring in a new, possibly bigger creature when it dies. To get more Treasures, it would be a good idea to have some extra combats, so I threw in Relentless AssaultRelentless Assault, and BloodthirsterBloodthirster among others. Remember, they do not have to deal combat damage to get the Treasure. Another good incentive to suspect your own creatures.

JJJ: Too bad Spider-Man isn't on that list. That vain, grandstanding showoff would be my number one target.

Caller: With due respect, he does much to help, but I digress.

JJJ: You came this close to me hanging up on you. You're a lucky guy. Anyway, moving on!

Caller: Before we move to the next part, I do want to highlight a few cards. Firstly, Nazgûl Battle-MaceNazgûl Battle-Mace doesn't just give menace, but a couple of other powerful abilities as well. Lightning, Security SergeantLightning, Security Sergeant has menace, and will exile the top card, allowing you to cast it for as long as she's out. Also, be wary when you use Frontier WarmongerFrontier Warmonger. Yes, while it does give menace, you will not get the tokens from the trigger. It's to give opponents incentive to attack elsewhere.

JJJ: I see. Let's dive into the next section!

Other Suggestions

Caller: Right, so outside of Universes Beyond, we gain access to cards that can more directly work with your card, Mr. Jameson. With access to these, the deck gets a near total overhaul, becoming more of a Treasure deck with a "menace matters" subtheme. One of the biggest additions is Academy ManufactorAcademy Manufactor, which gives you tokens to draw cards and gain life respectively. In addition, Goldspan DragonGoldspan Dragon lets our Treasure tap for two instead of one.

Secondly, we also get to use cards that give everyone menace. The lowly Goblin War DrumsGoblin War Drums does exactly this, ensuring we get lots of Treasures. We also get to use even more creatures that already have menace, so we can load up on those, including Furnace PunisherFurnace Punisher, which dings opponents if they don't control multiple basic lands. And, we get Frillscare MentorFrillscare Mentor, which buffs our menace creatures, and gives a non-Human creature we control menace. These factors will make it far less likely to suspect your own creatures, and instead ensure that they can't block when you swing at them.

JJJ: Excellent. With this, Spider-Man will fall to the press, leaving the true heroes of our fair New York-the police, the firefighters among them, their time to truly shine.

Caller: Again, with all due--

JJJ: NOPE! I WILL NOT BE HEARING ANYMORE! THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY! Jared, I need to lay down. Finally.

Aftermath

*Deep breath* And Scene (Yes, this is me, Owain, the author, speaking now).

When J. Jonah Jameson got revealed, I knew I had to write up this article as a script of sorts. And having to tap into my inner Mr. Jameson as best as I could.

To be honest, he's never playing Magic. I doubt it'd be his thing, though the comic writers can certainly try to prove me wrong. Not to worry, this script-like form is most likely a one off.

In any case, I do hope you enjoyed this entry in the Beyond the Multiverse series. Tune in next time where I'll have some additional thoughts now that the set's been fully revealed.