Am I the Bolas? - You Can't Shut Me Down, I Shut You Down!

May 13, 2026

Am I the Bolas? - You Can't Shut Me Down, I Shut You Down!

Elesh Norn, Mother of MachinesElesh Norn, Mother of Machines | Art by Martina Fačková

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, come on, buddy!

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?

THIS PODCAST! Do us a favor a subscribe to us. We've got some fun stuff in the works and it would mean a lot to Michael, Morgan, and I if you did! Become a Bolcut and get into the Bolcast!

I'm Mike Carrozza and I just had to move!

Make Your Move

Ugh, if ONLY it just cost three mana!

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)

SUBMISSION

Dear Mike,

I'll be honest, I'm not a regular reader of the column, in fact I don't read much of any of the EDHREC articles, but I stumbled on your column after having a pretty awkward time at FNM looking to change the deck I will mention below, and could use your advice.

I only recently started to attend FNM at my local LGS that just had a grand reopening, and don't know a ton of people. There is free play EDH regardless of the event, and so I sat with a pod of people I've played with maybe four games with at our previous store and who seem to be the most frequent EDH players. They all seemed familiar with each other, having inside jokes and the like. After an initial first game with reletively few hiccups, although I was targetted for giving someone a Sleeper AgentSleeper Agent, we shuffled up and brought out some different decks. I decide to play my Queen MarchesaQueen Marchesa pillow fort deck that relies on being the monarch to gain card advantage and activate my wincons, like Court of GraceCourt of Grace. One of these people, who I'll call E, played Elesh Norn, Mother of MachinesElesh Norn, Mother of Machines. Since I don't have any non-permanent cards that make me the monarch, that commander completely shuts off my entire strategy. As such, when they played their commander before my turn, I immediately removed it with an instant. It was one spell, I didn't think anything of it.

Queen Marchesa

E really didn't like this. They immediately scooped. I thought it was unsportsmanlike, but it was a five-player game, so I didn't think anything of it at first. The rest of the game, though, they kept reminding me of how I removed their commander "for no reason". When another player played something with a powerful ETB, they would mention how their commander could have stopped it. When the game was over, the other players, minus one (the player that won) gave me a sour look. Nothing major, but definitely not positive expressions.

Trying to be fair, I know that everyone wants a chance to "do their thing", and removing someone's commander the turn it comes down might be disallowing that. In my defense, without removing their commander, my deck does literally nothing but sit around with defensive enchantments. The other players besides E and the winner giving me the cold shoulder make me think I might have been hasty and might be the Bolas. I want to make friends here, but I'm worried I just pushed away a pod for failing a social check.

Is what I did a social faux pas that won't encourage people to play with me again, or was it simply a poor sport being unable to handle someone playing to win? Or somewhere in between?

Sincerely,

Brimaz, King of Oreskos

Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines

VERDICT

Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.

Thanks for being so direct, Brimaz. I hope you stick around and read more articles on EDHREC. We've got a ton of really great writers here. There's even a weekly crossword! Lots of fun here. Anyway, let's get into this.

If you're playing Elesh Norn, Mother of MachinesElesh Norn, Mother of Machines in the command zone, you have to know she's a kill-on-sight commander. She's an absolutely incredible card! A stax piece stapled on a PanharmoniconPanharmonicon for all your permanents? Do you know how popular enter-the-battlefield effects are in Commander? So many decks don't get to do too much if ETB triggers aren't happening. While you should probably swap a Reclamation SageReclamation Sage for a Haywire MiteHaywire Mite or Caustic CaterpillarCaustic Caterpillar from time to time, it's totally fair to favor ETB triggers. They're fun, splashy and effective! That's why Elesh Norn, Mother of MachinesElesh Norn, Mother of Machines and Torpor OrbTorpor Orb are so devastating against the decks that get shut down by them.

Torpor Orb

There are exactly six cards legal in Commander that introduce the monarch without an ETB ability: Coin of FateCoin of Fate, Feast of SuccessionFeast of Succession, Forth Eorlingas!Forth Eorlingas!, Oath of EorlOath of Eorl, Starscream, Seeker LeaderStarscream, Seeker Leader, and Throne of the High CityThrone of the High City. Considering your deck's strategy relies on the introduction of the monarch, turning off 25 of your 31 cards to get this part of the game rolling is pretty brutal.

Coin of Fate

I think there should've been some more understanding for you here in this game. Elesh Norn, Mother of MachinesElesh Norn, Mother of Machines takes away your deck's ability to get anything rolling. It's a direct threat to your game plan and should be treated as such. If anybody at the table asks you why and still manages to balk at "I need my commander's ETB to introduce the monarch so my deck can work", then I don't understand what their expectations are for Commander. The others gave you sour looks? These people saw Elesh Norn hit the table and just didn't understand how the third line of text could be restrictive?

This is silly.

If you had done this to kill, like, a Rasputin, the OneiromancerRasputin, the Oneiromancer or something more innocuous (no shade, RtO players), then maybe that'd have been a reason to be a little salty. But your opponent's playing a stax piece and trigger-doubler from the command zone - that's right, just pay two more mana, pal, you can get there - they should be ready for this kind of thing to happen.

Rasputin, the Oneiromancer

Not the Bolas. Ridiculous.

Path to Exile

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.

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