Whelming WaveWhelming Wave | Art by Slawomir Maniak
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email [email protected] with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza and this is what I look like when I pretend to throw the ball for my dog but put it behind my back instead.
No, it's over there, go check. Ahahaha I got you!
This week, removal is important.
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Good morning,
I read your articles as part of my morning-work ritual, and often find myself thinking about the points you make throughout the day and beyond. I played in a miserable game this weekend and it shined a light on what I feel has been a growing problem in Magic in general these last few years…
I love Magic and have been an active player since New Pyrexia. I tend to play synergized decks but do not like using game-changers, two-card combos, or extra turns. I tune my decks for Bracket 2.5 play in the “upgraded precon” department.
I was at the shop on a Sunday afternoon. I joined a pod of three. I asked them about power level and they said they play at “upgraded precon” level, so I broke out my Arixmethes, Slumbering IsleArixmethes, Slumbering Isle, “sea monster” typal deck and settled in for a game. Player 1 was playing Brudiclad, Telchor EngineerBrudiclad, Telchor Engineer and talking a huge game. Player 2 was playing a legendary matters Ratadrabik of UrborgRatadrabik of Urborg and Player 3 was playing Demon typal.
The game gets off to a blistering start, with the Brudiclad player and I playing an early Sol RingSol Ring. Brudiclad continues to talk a big game and implies that he is going to do something crazy. He does the thing where he says “go-to-combat-declare-attackers-swing-with-these-three-guys-trigger-these-abilities-draw-five-cards” in one breath.
I immediately say “whoa, slow down, I have responses!” to which he replies “Are you serious? I’ve already gone through my combat”
“I Krosan GripKrosan Grip your Brudiclad in your Main phase…" to which he replies, the literal words:
“F@#k you for real, are you serious? I already drew my cards, now I have to put these back? F@#k you, dude. I guess I pass…”
I’m floored by this interaction. Both friends seem to brush off the comment and continue to play non-interactively. It comes to me, I play a blue wrath and swing at Brudiclad guy. He starts spouting off again saying it's so unfair I hit him for 25 damage, blah blah blah.
So now, I’m in the situation where these two new players see me killing their “Goliath” of a player. However, rather than help me to kill Goliath, who threatens to rebuild his combo and win every turn, they suddenly start looking to interact with me and my board. They begin to ask Brudiclad what they should do to help him not lose. Mind you, Brudiclad has already tried to combo off and win. I say something along the lines of “He’s winning! I’m trying to keep him from killing all of us!” To which the new players say “We know his deck, you’re the unknown. We need to kill you first because we don’t know what you’re capable of.” I reply “My deck is eight-drop Krakens and blue wraths! You’ve seen it happen like twice now!”
I hard target Brudiclad and kill him. Through a Wheel of FortuneWheel of Fortune and a Mana DrainMana Drain, mind you. This is some "upgraded precon"...
We’ve all experienced at least part of the above interaction before, to any long-standing Magic player, the existence of players like this do not come as a surprise.
Brudiclad storms off. The game grinds on as I desperately try to end it. I play defensively - sorcery speed removal, a fatty or two, effectively stopping both of the remaining players' momentum. I slowly win through their gummy board states. Both claim “they aren’t drawing correctly to be able to counter me” while not also simply swinging at me with their on-board flying creatures, oddly.
Brudiclad returns to the table and starts loudly talking about how this game is still going on and I’m playing a “purposefully stax-heavy deck which only tries to slow the game down and not win.” At this point, I’m so exhausted by the entire experience I scoop and leave.
In modern day, I see so many types of players - from new enthusiasts who are eager to play their new Chocobo typal deck to old-heads who throw down a Kaalia of the VastKaalia of the Vast. I always pack decks full of relevant interaction and fair on-theme wincons which win the game slowly and fairly while allowing for other players to “do the thing.”
I’d say 80% of games I play in involve two players building up for like five turns, me wrathing in one form or another, them being floored that wraths exist. Then, for the rest of the game, I am hard targeted even though the third player, who is very obviously the “non-interactive combo player just waiting for their window to go off” will win the second I drop my interaction shields because no one else is holding anything up or has used it all on petty "revenge" against me.
So my question is the following:
How does an enfranchised player who likes playing good old fashioned fair Magic play around the rage man-babies, the innocent bystanders “this is my new Cat deck,” to the “no I didn’t build this Edgar MarkovEdgar Markov deck like you normally see” angle shooting win-farmers?
I just want to play fair, interactive Magic with regular people, but it seems like there exists a massive population of Magic players that just make meme decks, only want to stomp their opponents, or completely fall apart if they don't get to play solitaire and see that victory screen...
Thank you for your time. <3
Sea Captain
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column. So if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to [email protected] and I'll get to it here. I really appreciate you making me part of your morning every week.
It's clear to all readers here that this submission is dripping with biases. I understand your frustrations and do think this serves as a springboard to discuss that creeping feeling you've brought up.
Beginning with the most obvious thing, essentially a throwaway at this point, but that Brudiclad player zooming through phases is just not how the game is played. You're clearly in the right and rolling things back makes sense. It's not your fault you got more information! There are interaction points throughout the turn, not to mention the Brudiclad combat trigger itself.
His reaction to this, coupled with the fact that his two pals didn't say anything or vocally agree with you, tells me that I probably would have had a difficult time with this player as well.
And while we're focusing on the Brudiclad player's attitude, coming back to the table to loudly declare your sea monster typal deck a stax deck because the game is slowed down is rude. Sea monsters don't always have evasion and you described the board as gummed up. It's going to take a while. That's why there are so many "blue wraths" (likely of the Whelming WaveWhelming Wave variety) which allow you to clear the way to close the game out.
I have also noticed the trend away from removal. I have never really been a big removal player myself, but I know better than to build a deck without at least a wrath and flexible targeted removal pieces. That said, as a player who loves to build the machine with multiple pieces doesn't mind leaning into the glass cannon nature of decks, I often find myself prioritizing the "cool" stuff over the vegetables like removal and stuff.
It's not a great habit, but it helps that I have a baseline I am disciplined enough to not go under.
That said, it's also something I have to recognize in the deck if I decide not to include the necessary interactive pieces; I must accept the possibility that my strategy will continue to be disrupted and I might not get to do the thing. C'est la vie. Water off a duck's back. More games coming.
When it comes to Magic, it's as much about finding your people as it is about deckbuilding. Luckily, as a writer for one of the most popular Commander sites out there and a (though I am loathe to use the term) content creator in the space, I'm fortunate enough to get to play a ton of Magic with some of the most enfranchised and understanding players whenever I'm out and about.
Before this though, as the chatty guy I am, I've been having the Rule Zero talk for a long, long time, and it has helped me find exactly where I've been happiest. Communicating ahead of time will save you some headaches and heartache.
I understand that the complaints you have are rooted in the deckbuilding stage which is not really where you intervene, but it's definitely fair to find your people and grow as a playgroup which will then allow everybody to catch up to each other's playstyles.
I think you've outlined what you like about Magic. It's specific, but not niche. Playing at an LGS means that you'll end up meeting all sorts of players, as evidenced by your "Cat deck" and "not-that-Edgar MarkovEdgar Markov deck" players.
Especially in this environment, it's important to take note of the folks you've enjoyed playing with. Was it because they were challenging, or a good time, or both? Most importantly, I need more players to express their appreciation for the players they enjoy playing against. Be vocal and tell people you like that you like them enough to prioritize them when you see them at the LGSs. Maybe someday, that'll be someone you can text and coordinate with to meet at the LGS or even get the beginnings of a playgroup that meets up regularly.
I will caution you from using terminology like "good, fair Magic." I don't play cEDH, but I'd be wrong to not consider it "good" or "fair" or "Magic." What you want needs to be more articulated to get what you want exactly. You want interactive Magic where games are balanced and are decided by the "right" play. Many players want that too, but there's no science to this.
Try as they may, WotC isn't going to be able to make things perfect with the Bracket system, but they've given us a great framework to begin the discussion. The chat doesn't begin and end with "I play Bracket 2."
I believe in your ability to find what you want out of the game. The Brudiclad guy didn't ask me if he was the Bolas, so I don't have a verdict for him. You're not the Bolas, but you were a fish in the wrong pond. You can find it. I know it.
More Bolas:
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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