Academy at Tolaria WestAcademy at Tolaria West | Art by James Paick
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email [email protected] with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza and I'm trying out a new restaurant today!
You're telling me a Lobster fried this rice? And then he ate it and that killed some people somehow?
This week, what if a player was more of a Commander variant than opponent?
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Never knew about your column until you appeared on EDHREC. Thought I'd give writing you a try!
I am fortunate enough to have a schedule that allows me to play Commander at my LGS about twice almost every week. It has done wonders to allow me to meet new people and make new friends since I had made a big move about 300-or-so miles north about two years ago. In that regard, I've made two really solid friends that have formed a core of my usual play group. However, there is often a fourth slot open, and while I welcome just about everyone, there is one regular at the LGS we frequent I'm always silently praying doesn't come our way.
I'll call him Derek.
Now Derek, he is a totally fine guy as a person. Friendly, polite, nothing wrong there. A real Magic veteran, he's been playing since the mid-nineties, and has the impressive collection to back it up. However, I just can't stand how he behaves as a player in a pod. Nothing malicious, no salt or cheating or anything of the sort. But he has a mindset that I feel utterly warps what would be an otherwise decent game of Commander.
He doesn't want to win.
Specifically, abhorring notions like "doing combat damage," he builds and brings decks that are constructed specifically to "do a thing," often to some outlandish magnitude, and only wants to sit down and do that. Draw 70 cards in one turn and deck out? Check. Put 50+ loyalty counters on a planeswalker? Check. Make 10,000 Treasures, then give them to somebody else. Check. He builds decks like hunting obscure achievements in a game. Whatever his deck was built to do, he'll do that, and nothing else, staying in his corner like some sort of chaotic ghost...unless somebody interacts with game plan, or otherwise is about win before he can execute whatever silly thing he planned on doing. Then he'll intervene, then he'll board wipe, then he'll use removal to punish anyone for treating him like they would any other player that plays so greedily. Effectively, leave him alone, or you'll be getting all his retaliation.
This would be one thing if any of his decks were, like exhibition tier, but the sheer amount of tutors and high power stuff he puts in each of these decks makes him appear as a preeminent threat, every time. At least, far more than any of the rest of us, who sit comfortably in the core/upgraded precon range. And that, is effectively my problem. Whenever he happens to slot in with the rest of us, I feel like I'm left playing an entirely different game. Some three-person game with some wild Planechase effect that will either blow everything up, remove itself, or king-make, depending on a die roll. Winning is far from what I care about, but I do come with the expectation we're all playing together, and basing our decisions in the pursuit of winning.
I've brought up my concerns with the friends in my pod, but neither of them seem to be as annoyed by the weird slant Derek brings to the game. Not wanting to make things awkward at a game store we both frequent, I've refrained from confronting him on the matter, but I'm always left silently praying that he finds a spot in somebody else's pod.
Am I the Bolas?
Sincerely,
Knight of Migraine
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to [email protected] and I'll get to it here.
This submission is great, Knight. I didn't know what to expect from the subject line and I'm really happy with this one. Something I'd like to point out before diving in fully is that it was very difficult to find an applicable card to represent the submission. I chose Battle of WitsBattle of Wits because it remains the most outlandish, but even stuff like Test of EnduranceTest of Endurance or Mortal CombatMortal Combat or Helix PinnacleHelix Pinnacle turn those sidequest type goals into a win condition. The way you describe these goals Derek sets for himself tells me that they never result in even a possible win unless he decides to do anything about it. Which he won't.
I'm glad you found your new LGS and you get to play so often. I think it's also great that the fourth is a rotating person at the store you all get games with. Derek being one of them makes this a little more palatable rather than being a non-rotating member of the playgroup.
Before I get too deep on this one, I'd like to say that I am a fan of this type of deckbuilding to an extent. I'm on record having said so on Am I The Bolcast?, particularly on this episode. I love a mini-game element to a deck; I love a little goal to feel like you get a "win" out of a game even if you don't beat everybody at the table. It's nice to build toward something and get to "do the thing" because in Commander, your win rate isn't likely to be super high considering all the factors of the format. I do not, however, believe this should be the sole purpose of your deck, which is where I feel your frustration.
I think that if Derek's whole deal is to durdle around and eventually give the game away, he should be self-aware enough to recognize that some people aren't into that. I think this is someone who should be receptive to a conversation about their play style and how it affects other players' ability to enjoy the game or make moves with a full sense of agency.
The fact that any interaction pointed his way results in severe enough retaliation that players opt to leave him alone would be enough for me to speak up as well. I believe that if this is how you're going to be playing the game, you should not only expect removal to be pointed at you as a means to keep you in check as the potential bomb that doesn't swing in your favor, but you should be understanding of it. Bonking down Derek's strategy has been so negatively reinforced at this point that it's almost like he isn't a player, he's an emblem.
I mean, if a player removes a bunch of my stuff, I will likely remove something of theirs if it makes sense to and sometimes "getting them off my back" is a good enough reason. But if your position at the table is to be left alone until you get bored enough to grant one player a wish and doom another to their end because they dared to get in the way of scary permanents on the off-chance you're actually playing to win or, worse still, they're trying to mitigate your impact when you decide it's time to grant another player 10k Treasures...I don't know, I'd roll my eyes after a while and hope to find a more straightforward experience.
If you're not interested in playing those games with him, you could speak up and say you'd rather wait for a different fourth. It might not feel nice, but not feeling nice for a moment versus playing a couple of games you don't enjoy for hours, which is better to you? Your friends don't mind him, but you care enough to have written in.
The conversation can be simple. You've noticed his play style is not compatible with what you expect and want from a game of Magic. While you might be interested in Planechase or Archenemy every now and then, the way you describe him makes it feel like you need to be interested in playing a game of Derek. Bring out the Derek deck with oversized cards and roll the Derek die to move off of this Derek to get to the next one. I bet you have those days, even.
It's perfectly fine to not want to play against someone whose idea of the game doesn't work for you. Even on basis of the Bracket system, you've pointed out that you likely play closer to Bracket 2, maybe low Bracket 3, while Derek sounds like he runs more than a few tutors which would definitely not be in line with Bracket 2 play.
I recommend you have the conversation with your friends again and if it becomes an issue for you some more, I would discuss with Derek the possibility of including win cons for himself in the deck so that it doesn't feel so lopsided and frustrating for you. If he doesn't want to, then I think it's fair to explain it the way you have - playing against him is like "some wild Planechase effect." At the same time, this can make games interesting when you're in the mood to add this extra bit of politicking to gain Derek's favor.
All said, I don't want to play three-player Commander. I want to sit down with three opponents, not two and an Unpredictable CycloneUnpredictable Cyclone of a player. He's fine to play the way he wants to play, just needs to find the right fit! This doesn't seem to be it, though.
No Bolases here.
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