Zack FairZack Fair | Illustrated by Yoshio Sugiura
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email [email protected] with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza, a stand-up comedian happy to see one of my fave comics represented in the game!
John Mulaney, baby! Can't tell me nothin'!
This week, roll for combat...
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hey Mike!
*Something something* first time caller longtime listener, and all that. Anyway, I’m not sure whether any Bolas-ing occurred here but I feel it’s a bit iffy nonetheless.
This was a couple weeks ago. A group of friends and I got together for a day of EDH, and I was excited to play my newest deck, Zack FairZack Fair. I don’t think Zack is a *strong* commander by any means, but my name is Zach (spelled correctly unlike our Gongagian friend), and I made a bunch of alt-art versions of the card with my face on them for fun. The deck is, to the best of my knowledge, somewhere around Bracket 2, I think? It’s focused on constantly reanimating Zack while slowly pumping the team. To be honest, at the time, bracket-wise, I wasn’t sure, as I’d just put it together. I’ll link the decklist here.
My friend, who I hadn’t played with in over a year, joined as well, and the pod was aiming for Bracket 3. Unsure if my deck would be able to compete, yet I was very keen to show my friend the silly alters I’d made, I joined the pod. My friend we’ll call D was running Dragonlord OjutaiDragonlord Ojutai, and the other two in the pod were running Zaffai, Thunder ConductorZaffai, Thunder Conductor and Kitt Kanto, Mayhem DivaKitt Kanto, Mayhem Diva.
Game got off to a fine start, I got to cycle Zack in and out of the graveyard a few times and cycle in each different alter whenever he returned. Fun! Meanwhile, my friend’s Ojutai quickly began to grow scary with Sentinel's EyesSentinel's Eyes giving it vigilance and thus virtually perma-hexproof, then got another enchantment giving it double strike. My friend is a very friendly person, though, and she's the sort of player who doesn’t want to offend anyone in a game, and therein lies the issue: she rolls each time combat starts on her turn to determine where she throws her commander.
In the early game, fine, I get it: no one has a real board state yet and some people want to avoid the archenemy label perhaps. She hit me first. However, by turn seven or so Zaffai had attempted to cast a 10-mana Apex of PowerApex of Power (which was countered by D) and had the mana to try another 10-mana spell the next turn. Meanwhile, Kitt had cast a 12-mana Grand CrescendoGrand Crescendo and flooded the board with tokens. At the time, I had a Venat, Heart of HydaelynVenat, Heart of Hydaelyn, Zack, Anafenza, Unyielding LineageAnafenza, Unyielding Lineage, a couple 2/2s, and a dream.
So the game goes on and, by turn seven or so, we were all one hit away from dying to commander damage to the Ojutai. However, with what had happened the previous turn cycle, I’d hoped D would start using proper threat assessment. I tried pointing out what I saw as a threat in Zaffai, for instance. Regardless, she rolled again to attack, landed on me, and took me out.
The very next turn Zaffai played a Grafted ExoskeletonGrafted Exoskeleton, cast another 10-mana spell that they copied, and hit D and the Kitt play for 10 infect each and won on the spot.
Afterwards my friend sheepishly said, “I guess I was too nice.”
Now, I didn’t get particularly mad or anything, but I know this is a play pattern my friend has. Also, she tends to run these kinds of Voltron decks (she has Light-Paws, Emperor's VoiceLight-Paws, Emperor's Voice and Wyleth, Soul of SteelWyleth, Soul of Steel decks too). She’s not new to EDH, we’ve been playing for several years now, but I did agree afterwards and said basically, “There comes a point where you have to actually look at the board and make a decision for yourself." She shrugged.
Anyway, sorry for rambling, but I wanted to make things as clear as possible. I don’t know that anyone was necessarily the Bolas here, but I do wonder if I was in the wrong for bringing a deck I knew was likely too low for the table just because it was fun and new, especially since it meant I didn't have much I could do to interact or aid the table in stopping some of those big threats, or if my friend was a bit of a Bolas for her fear of upsetting anyone by actually declaring an attack.
In the end, no one was too upset by all of this as far as I'm aware, except that I myself was feeling a bit salty about how it went down, so more of a question about combat than anything else, I suppose, but should I have been more direct in challenging her 'threat assessment' during the game? Or is all fair in love and Azor(ius)?
Best Regards,
Going Gongaga
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to [email protected] and I'll get to it here.
So, Zach loves Zack FairZack Fair, and that rules. Good for you! I'll say that the bracket system is still imperfect and will remain imperfect no matter how good it gets. When discussing the bracket system, I believe it was Gavin who mentioned that a Bracket 2 deck in the mix with a Bracket 3 deck shouldn't be the end of the world, but if you have your expectations set, you'll be fine. It's more like if you're rolling up with Bracket 1 and playing against Bracket 3, then that might not be advisable. Even Bracket 4 decks can tussle with Bracket 5, aka cEDH, but essentially what that means is that the Bracket 4 deck is just not the meta, if I understood correctly. That's not my space, really, so I'm no expert here. Basically, it's fine that you brought a Bracket 2 deck to a Bracket 3 fight. You knew what you were getting into, it's all good!
Let's talk about D.
I'm with you here: it's fine to roll for combat in the first couple turns where it's largely inconsequential. What's it matter if I attack someone with my 1/1 on turn two when the decks are evenly matched? It's fine, but not preferred for me. I would rather you pick someone. Often, among good friends, if a player reaches for a die to roll for combat, I tell them to just attack me. If they protest, I ask them if they have someone they're hoping to hit and if so, why not make the declaration. I would much rather an attack be intentional. Even if the intention is "okay, I have open attacks and everybody's playing the same exact deck, I'll just hit whoever is to my right first", that's fine.
But we begin games with information in the command zone. It's worth it to declare an attack in a direction based on that, too! If I'm playing against a life gain deck, they're probably the first one to get combat sent their way if I have a say in it. If I know a deck will become difficult to get through later, then I'll prioritize them for a combat. This is part of threat assessment.
I understand not wanting to ruffle feathers, but I'll also say that that's part of the game! "No, I don't want to offend anybody by attacking them," but you have no problem countering a splashy Apex of PowerApex of Power? Come on! Something doesn't add up to me. If this is the playstyle D wants to have every time, I can recommend a great commander for them to pick up.
Ruhan must attack at random. There are so few cards that force random attacks because removing agency from players is not something most players want; I don't think I'm talking out the side of my head with this one. Folks hate goad because of it. I also think that this kind of playstyle requires an acknowledgement in a Rule Zero chat. I don't think I would love to start a game, get all set up, and then find out that the Voltron player is actually adding an extra "I better be lucky" element to a game of luck and skill. It might be fun sometimes, but it's capital Not For Me.
If you're going to the combat step intending to attack, be deliberate and intentional. If you're going to roll a die every time, let me know before the game so I can find another pod. If others are into that, then great. D could be the sweetest person in the world; we can hang before Commander night, have a lovely chat and hang, but when we hit the LGS, we'll need to find different tables if this is every game.
You're not the Bolas for your bracket question which is what I'm ruling on, so I guess there's that. Thanks again for writing in!
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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