Mirran SafehouseMirran Safehouse | Art by Piotr Dura
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week: Is a competitive mindset too slow?
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email [email protected] with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza, the alter ego of when I have to go grate some cheese for my pasta...
I am legally required to like the Turtles set because they are Italians. Right?
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Dear Mike,
The context: My friends and I are getting older and many of us have kids, so we don't get to play often and can't always get everyone to the table. The time we do get to play is therefore quite valuable. We typically play casual Bracket 2/3, many of us running with modified precons and, in most cases, we know each others' decks reasonably well (unless someone just got a new precon).
Call me Player A. I usually organize and host the game, and, in this case, we are playing at my home. I had asked a few people and managed to get four together for a game.
One player - let's say Player B - has in the past played various games competitively, including Magic. In my opinion, he finds it hard to step back from that competitive mindset and play at a more casual level. This is where we run into our issue.
It might have been an hour or so into the game, Player B's turn. He'd been taking a long time deciding on his plays for several turns now and asked to see my graveyard. His deck doesn't run graveyard recursion and neither do I (I always make people aware when I have a big flashback/etc card in graveyard anyway), so I laughed as I passed my graveyard over and told him he doesn't need to check graveyards and to just make his play.
I am known to be the guy that asks everyone to hurry up on their turns - including my partner. I like a fast game, and I believe it's respectful to others to keep the game moving at a reasonable pace, especially when it's just a casual game.
Player B took this as a deep personal offence and said some accusatory and incendiary things to me. I said the game is over, Player B left and I apologized to players C & D.
We're not here to Bolas or not Bolas Player B, but suffice it to say I have made up my mind and don't intend to play with Player B again or even interact socially with them and they won't be invited to games I organize.
Am I the Bolas for
1) calling out Player B on slowing the game by unnecessarily card counting graveyards?
2) essentially removing Player B from our play group and in large part our social circle, since I organize and host a good portion of the time? If Player B made amends I would consider inviting them back to give them another chance (but no promises I won't hurry them up again though)
3) also firing back during the incident and telling Player B they could chill out, play casual and try giving a s#!t (sorry Ken) about other players' time?
Best regards,
Player A
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to [email protected] and I'll get to it here.
There's a lot to digest here, Player A. First, I'd like to say thanks for including a reference to my podcast Am I the Bolcast? and shout out to our editor Ken! That made me smile and I'm pretty sure he'll be stoked about it, too. I can't tell you enough how much it means to me that you listen.
Your story is full of information so let's break it down. You host the games at yours most often. There's lots of pressure on game time due to its scarcity among you and your friends. You're the person pushing to keep the speed up. You all play modified precons, keeping to Bracket 2 or 3, but you all know each others' decks pretty well. Your friend is a former competitive player who gets in the tank for a win. You rushed Player B and he fired back with insults, resulting in you kicking him out of your home and group. Bummer.
Look, I will never fault anybody for barring someone from their home. That's your space. You get to decide who is welcome there or not. That's not something I'll argue with. I don't know what your friendship with Player B is like, but given that these are people you're willing to have over to yours, I'll guess you're close enough for me to somewhat expect there to be some potential for reconciliation. I understand that you've made up your mind and that it will take Player B making the first move by apologizing. All this is fair. We don't know what he said, but I can imagine it must have been pretty heinous for you to kick him out.
That said, as the person who essentially puts the pod together and hosts, you're unilaterally making the call to kick this person from the playgroup. I would recommend having a chat with others who were present to be sure that you were levelheaded in your response and that maybe an apology coming from you wouldn't be in order. Worth a chat. If everybody says "Oh yeah, that was out of line, we support you," then power to ya!
Ultimately, what we have here is the way you enjoy Magic is not the same way Player B enjoys Magic. When backed into a position, players can get in the tank and try to find any possible out to win, or even just not lose. While I understand that to you, there's no reason to look at your graveyard, there might be a play there for Player B to pull off. Sure, you don't have recursion, but maybe Player B made a quick swap before the game or has a card that allows him to play something from another player's deck that actually can recur from an opponent's graveyard.
Perhaps, he's operating with different information than you are and part of the fun is working out the puzzle and all its possibilities. Maybe, there's a card in a precon that has a mode you've forgotten about or rarely comes up. I know I'm still discovering new applications for precon cards from like four precon cycles ago.
I understand that moving quickly is a big deal to you and this group, but this is the game. Lots of information to process and there is a clear goal. Sometimes it requires more tanking.
However, it's fair to implement a safeguard or two for your pod to agree to given that this has been a button for you (and probably the group). If long turns are a problem, try working on some house rules like using a turn clock or acceptable shortcuts (e.g., "I'll sacrifice Sakura-Tribe ElderSakura-Tribe Elder at the end of your turn, let's pretend I have a blocker available until then.").
I don't know that I can call you a Bolas. We all can lose our cool and we don't have enough to go on regarding what was said. Your home is your space and you're the boss. I'd just say that making such a strict decision that affects the group without consulting the group might be where I pause, but, again, your home, your decision, etc. Not the Bolas.
Read More:
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
Your opinions are welcome. We love hearing what you think about Magic! We ask that you are always respectful when commenting. Please keep in mind how your comments could be interpreted by others. Personal attacks on our writers or other commenters will not be tolerated. Your comments may be removed if your language could be interpreted as aggressive or disrespectful. You may also be banned from writing further comments.