Starfall InvocationStarfall Invocation | Art by Rob Rey
Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week, if you hadn't killed my thing, I'd have won!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
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I'm Mike Carrozza and what's better than this?
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hey Mark,
I read your articles whenever I see them pop on up on the main page, and I have a story to share with you that leaves me questioning on if my deck really is a Bolas.
I play a more gimmicky version of Celes, Rune KnightCeles, Rune Knight where I do not have free repeatable sacrifice outlets and use creatures that can bring themselves back, like Flamewake PhoenixFlamewake Phoenix and Forsaken MinerForsaken Miner, to buff my board. I do, however, run a large removal suite in the deck, with 16 instances of nonland removal, like Swords to PlowsharesSwords to Plowshares and Emergency EjectEmergency Eject, Skyclave ApparitionSkyclave Apparition, as well as three board wipes.
My pod consisted of a Krenko, Mob BossKrenko, Mob Boss, Ovika, Enigma GoliathOvika, Enigma Goliath, and a Bristly Bill, Spine SowerBristly Bill, Spine Sower. I am of the opinion that all of these commanders should not be allowed around to untap or they pop off.
Right around turn four, everyone had just played their commander, and I had the perfect answer to the board. I had a Starfall InvocationStarfall Invocation in my hand, which will kill all these Strong Commanders, and I get to revive Celes and wheel some of the cards in my hand again.
Ovika was played again (around turn six) and they also had an Agate InstigatorAgate Instigator with its Offspring. I let Ovika take a trip around the table (turn seven), and we all ended up losing 16 life as he played eight mana worth of mana rocks, and then he swung all of them at me, so I am getting pretty low. (This is why you don't let Ovika untap). I Swords the Ovika on my turn and I drop to 15 life from ward. Somewhere around here, Bristly Bill also used a fight spell to kill one of my creatures and attacked me.
Around turn nine, everyone had built a pretty impressive board state again, with each player threatening lethal at my low life. I cast a Ruinous UltimatumRuinous Ultimatum, which worked. I tried to take out Bristly Bill, but the Ovika player saved him by Chaos WarpChaos Warping my Celes away. Now I'm below 10 life, and Bristly Bill is hanging on as well. Ovika's at 20 life, and Krenko's at 15.
Unfortunately at this point, everyone pointing their removal my way prevented me from closing out the game. I killed the Ovika and Bristly Bill players, but then Krenko Player, who was mostly left alone, ended up clutching the game.
During the game there was some groaning, but after the game, they said this was one of the worst games they've played in a long time. They blamed me for it. I pointed out that it turned into a long slug fest because Ovika saved the Bristly Bill player, and because all three players' removal spells were focused entirely on me. I pointed out that at no point was any other removal used on something that wasn't mine and that nobody attacked anyone else but me the whole game. Ovika player said if I didn't Swords his Ovika, he would've just won next turn and we could've played another game. My response was, if you had an answer to a Swords to PlowsharesSwords to Plowshares, that would've been the case, but you played all gas and no protection.
Am I the Bolas?
Thanks,
Forrest Gorp
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.
You play a lot removal! From your opponents' perspective, if they were trying to get their game plan online and they've identified the source of all the sticks in their spokes, I can't blame them for turning their attention toward you. You pack a lot of removal and it seems like you're not afraid to use it. While I agree with you about them being kill-on-sight commanders, I think there could've been a better Rule Zero conversation considering the reaction you got at the end.
I think of this archetype of player as a racer. It seems like they wanted a battlecruiser experience, where everybody's got their own open lane and they're gunning for the finish line with little impediment. This isn't something the Bracket System can really address, which is why I always like to remind everybody that it's not a replacement for the Rule Zero conversation. Your playstyle isn't racing. There's some tortoise and the hare stuff going on here.
The decks seem fast and powerful, but you're slowing them down to your speed. It's cool gameplay, but it doesn't favor you socially here. I think that there could've been a little self-awareness considering their actions coming for you. For all intents and purposes, you were the archenemy at the table. The rest of the pod had no choice: you were getting rid of big pieces of their game plan. To them, you were the Bolas.
That said...
The entitlement in this submission is off the charts. The Ovika player being upset with how long the game went because their commander was removed is bananas to me. What? I'm supposed to let you just win? Am I not playing the same game you are? Did we not sit down for free-for-all Commander where everybody can be a threat? Look at those command zones! They've got a reputation for speed! Obviously, your job is to slow them down.
I just don't appreciate the Ovika player putting this all on your back.
All of you were invested in winning this one. That's why you stuck it out. Anybody can pull the plug on their game and concede if it's not working for them anymore. You can say, "Hey, it's been two hours and I'd like to move on with another game. I concede." It's allowed. Then you can all have a conversation to get on the same page about your expectations in playstyles and game play.
But nobody conceded. That means you were staying in it to play it through. While you're playing the game, it's the priority. The Ovika player chose this game potentially over another game afterwards, whether they realize it or not. But don't get me wrong: your opponents being annoyed by the length of the game is fair. It's not the kind of Commander they like to play. Frankly, this submission reads like an LGS mismatch over a steady playgroup because of how clear this is: you were the odd one out.
It's not fair to put the length on the game squarely on you. By the Ovika player's own admission, if their commander hadn't been removed, they would've won the next turn, but it's said with a tone of complaint rather than congratulations. Because, Forrest, congratulations, you made the right call. Excellent threat assessment. You're playing to win. However, the Ovika player seems to bristle at you because you also were playing to win. Excuse me! How dare you?! A player who doesn't want another player to win because they've recognized that an opponent winning means that they lose, and the name of the game is avoiding losing, actually? Oh, dear!
I don't understand the Ovika player's mental gymnastics of perspective here. The message isn't "we could've had a shorter game" but rather "you cost me the win", and as your opponent, if we're playing to win, I don't care! No, not "I don't care"; I celebrate that you lost! I'm closer to the win now. We are competing. Your sore loser "I could've wrapped this up if this hadn't been exiled" talk is for no one but yourself. Did we forget that Ovika saved Bristly Bill from Celes? Last I checked, keeping a player alive means they mostly likely get another turn which is going to take some time. Come on!
Forrest, I hope you have better Rule Zero conversations. Removal-heavy builds seem more competitive to me, and in that spirit I recommend leading with your deckbuilding mindset to see if anybody brought something to match that. That'd be my advice. You're technically the Bolas for that pod, but I think Ovika's attitude was annoying. I mentioned earlier that I think this isn't a story from an existing playgroup. If I'm wrong and this feels like it happens frequently, I'd like to encourage you to have a chat with your playgroup about compromises that can be made so you can all meet in the middle.
Thanks again for writing in!
Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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