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Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas? This week: Giving it to the person giving up!
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"
I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email [email protected] with your story, a pseudonym you want to use, and of course, only include details you don't mind in the column! You might see your story below one day. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast?
I'm Mike Carrozza and it's October!
This is what I look like in October!
(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)
SUBMISSION
Hi, Mike and crew, from the blistering heat wave that is killing my A.C. here in the Midwest.
For simplicity, Sven = best friend. Svette = best friend's wife.
I've been playing Magic about three times a month at Sven’s house. It's usually the same group of us three, sometimes four if another friend can make it. Over the past year, I’ve noticed a recurring issue with Sven: If he thinks he’s losing and sees no way to win, instead of playing to his outs, he tends to either spite-play, create chaos, or — more often — "queen-make" Svette.
I understand getting salty when a deck doesn't perform, but this behavior has become a pattern. I've talked to him several times over the past year, specifically asking him to ease up on the queen-making. To his credit, he's improved when it comes to spite and chaos plays, which I appreciate. However, the queen-making still happens almost every game.
I've started keeping notes, and out of our last nine games, Svette has won five — largely because Sven will go out of his way to help her win once he feels he’s out of the running himself. It’s gotten to the point where, when I sit down to play with them, I immediately target him if I sense he's giving up — even if he's not the biggest threat — because I know I have no shot if he's just going to assist her.
At our last game, Sven asked why I always take him out first, even when he isn’t a major threat. I told him honestly: I’m tired of him queen-making his wife, and I’d rather remove that variable entirely. He got pretty salty about it and still seems upset a week later. And unfortunately, if Svette wants to play we have to play at their house because of her social anxiety, so taking them to a LGS and playing where maybe a random play could offset things isn’t a solution.
So Mike, am I the Bolas for taking Sven out early if he starts giving up?
From The Melted Cheese Stands Alone
VERDICT
Thank you for writing and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to [email protected] and I'll get to it here.
I'm gonna call you Cheese! For ease! Anyway, Cheese, I appreciate you sending in this submission to ponder over. It's probably one of the most delicate of the submissions I've received. I definitely would love to hear what people in the comments have to say here.
There are a few things that we need to highlight for this entry:
- You often play with three players unless "another friend can make it," so I will assume that you, Sven, and Svette are the core three.
- It's assumed that the plays concerned are explicit actions to help forward Svette's game. Similarly, plays made out of spite are marked vocally with a comment about it.
- Playing together at an LGS is not an option when Svette feels like joining.
- Your friend has improved on spite-playing and causing chaos, but you recognize that he often assists his wife in winning when he believes he can no longer win. Your friend regularly gives up on the potential for a win and does not play to his outs.
- You focus on Sven when you feel like he's giving up and preempt this.
Right out the gate, to answer your question, no, I don't think you're the Bolas for focusing on Sven. From a gameplay perspective, if you're playing to win, this is fine. If you've recognized a pattern where Sven is detrimental to your game when it gets to a certain point, you have information that informs your decision making and game management.
You're going to want to make the best moves for yourself and you've got this added difficulty level considering a free-for-all becomes a two-on-one in Svette's favor. I think it's sweet he wants to help his wife win, but also maybe he sees this as a group win that he can attain after losing all hope for his own win. If you lose, he wins, basically.
Tipping the scales a bit, eh? As sweet as it may be, if this isn't your preferred experience, it should be addressed.
However, this dynamic is difficult to navigate.
Side note, if my girlfriend found out that I was doing things to help her win, she would chew me out. She wants to earn her wins and if she ever even caught a whiff at the thought that I was throwing her the game, she'd stop playing with me.
Sven doing this might be worth addressing not just for your play experience, but also for Svette's, to an extent. Does she appreciate this or does she perhaps feel that this taints her wins? Are the plays by Sven explicitly called out as "helping Svette"? Is it obvious because it's expressed or is it something you're reading into the dynamic? I'm hoping that it's clear. I digress.
This conversation needs to be clear. There's no suggestion that you want to stop playing with Sven or Svette - reassure them of this. This pattern you've noticed is getting in the way of your enjoyment of the game.
My recommendation is to hit an LGS solo from time to time to play with a pod without this added dynamic. Heck, even a break from the spite plays or whatever "giving up" looks like at the table could do you wonders. If they're upset by this, then the discussion turns to the dynamic that needs to change and it's less so about the couple, but more to do with Sven.
I guess the confusion I'm still wrestling with is this: What does giving up look like? How do you determine when Sven is done with trying? Is he outwardly like "Ah, damn, I've got no way to take this. Well, I have this Beast WithinBeast Within. Cheese, your commander is a 3/3 now and Svette can hit with trample next turn and kill us all"? I want you to really consider this and think on it, because regularly kingmaking is a bummer accusation, especially if it implies playing favorites.
Simple question: Why doesn't Sven just concede?
If Sven continually finds himself in a position where he recognizes that a win is slipping from his grasp, why not concede rather than find himself affecting the game negatively? If you're calling out spite plays and chaos, I'm assuming it's clear to the table that these intentions are malicious toward you and others. Maybe couching it in an effort to help his wife win the game allows Sven to rationalize this pettiness as gallantry.
I believe this conversation should be had with Svette as well. You also have to be sure you're not discrediting Svette's wins and clever gameplay. If it's agreed and acknowledged by the group that Sven's game actions push Svette to the win, it's unfair and frustrating. I'd assume that she might agree that it's unfair and that she wishes to play the game fairly and earn her wins.
If Sven can see a win for himself, is he not going to end Svette's game to win? It's free-for-all, after all! It becomes a whole other discussion if Svette disagrees and rather welcomes Sven's assistance.
This is complex and delicate. From a gameplay perspective, you're correct in focusing on Sven. If he wants to stop this from happening, he might have to prove that he won't throw the game or at least agree not to.
That said, all in all, if this game dynamic is beginning to affect your friendship, I'll have to recommend taking a break from the playing together. Magic is a great game, but it shouldn't get in the way of your relationships.
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Mike Carrozza
Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms.
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